Spark

2

The afternoon spent looking out my apartment seemed lifeless. My time was fitful; sleeping seemed impossible with the constant thoughts strumming through my brain, and eating only made me vomit, leaving a rancid taste. The loose pants and sweatshirt did little to keep me warm as the frost trickled on the glass, solidifying that winter has come. A chill bit at my bones, ice slipping through the thin cotton adorning my skin. The blanket draped around me sliding to the wooden floor boards.

Zak left after he brought me back home, warning me against leaving the house but sitting makes me intend to disregard his words. Part of me was angry. He wasn't my father, what power did he have to make my choices for me? I felt small when he treated me like a child. I was tired of feeling small.

I shrug off the soft, quilted blanket, letting it pool around my toes. When my feet hit the floor, a cold chill shot up my spine. Making my way through the apartment, the stairs felt like I was climbing up the remnants of Mount Whitney's. The bubbling feeling twisted my stomach to the point that I felt like I was going to vomit. It wouldn't be the first time for the day. I glanced at myself in the mirror, my skin abnormally pale. Had I lost weight? A shrill dizziness swept through me, instantly I reached out to the wall. Any moment I felt that I would fall over. Color flashed behind my eyes as they closed, my brain swirling. My head throbbed at the base of my skull. I am okay. Once the spell passed, I grabbed my clothes. The thick black pants were loose on my body and did little to keep me warm. The shirt and jacket were relatively the same.

Sitting down, I took a breath, pulling my shoes on and tying the laces with shaky hands. I feel so weak. My hair felt messy around my face so I made the decision to tie it up loosely. Looking myself over in the mirror I laughed bitterly. I looked horrible. I couldn't help but scoff.

Turning the light off, and closing the door behind me, I kept a tight grip on the railing as I made my way down the stairs. I couldn't help but defy Zak's instructions. I left the apartment with a deep breath, not entirely sure where I was going. I need air. The trip down the 12 flights of stairs took abnormally long. The dizziness controlled my brain, shrugging it off was the only option.

The air outside was brisk, sending more chills to rake my body. The streets were starting to deflate as people hurried to get off the cold street. Overwhelming sounds encroached my mind. The hustling of footsteps, cars humming their way along the road, bright ads resonating off the billboards towering over the street. The bile once again returned causing me to clutch my stomach. I don't know what I'm doing but the thought is fleeting.

How did I get here? Where was I about to be? I know that after Zak leaves, the state will try to give me over to a guardian, but I can take care of myself. The most likely situation would be handing me over to another commander, where I would live, learn, and train until I was ready to take over a higher position. Zak is highly regarded across the military. He was extremely intelligent, strong, and dangerous. Of course he was harmless towards me, but I've witnessed him fight. Rarely did it take more than two minutes and thirty seconds for his partner to be pinned or knocked out.

Particularly I am aware that it's not his choice he is leaving, despite his authority within the ranks. Mostly, I am making this easier for myself and him. Attachments are deadly. Even the most simplistic of acknowledgements can be turned against you.

Time was lost to me. I wandered blankly and by the time I noticed, I found myself in the south of the city. Abandoned industrial buildings stacked high in the sky. Eerie silence resided throughout the empty space. The sun was already fading behind the thick clouds. The wind swept up and brushed my neck like tiny lingering kisses. Computing my location would be difficult, I was keenly unaware of what turns I'd taken, and being unfamiliar with this part of town made my inner map abstract. My steps had turned slow, cautious. Great job Shay. As I made my way slowly through the buildings, a warm light encompassed an abandoned warehouse. The boarded windows kept curious eyes out. The faint whistles and hollers convinced me that there was something more going on inside.