What is death anyway?

Am I Dreaming?

I often go to sleep at night scared that I won't wake up that next morning.

But what do you expect when you shut your eyes and turn brain dead for a couple hours.

Anything can happen in between now and then. Anything can happen when you hey  close your eyes and switch into that state of mind where there is no mind. No mind that you can remember.

And often you wake up and have a dream. A dream that you slowly forget and the more you try to think of it and the more you try to remember the quicker it fades. And it's like sand slipping between your finger tips, or trying to pick up water.

It just isn't possible. Possible that you close your eyes and you wake up to realize you didn't wake up and then every human that ever loved you gets to watch you rot in a fancy casket with roses to try to sugar coat your sudden and tragic death.

And as they lower you six foot under the darkness squishes you and it's like your alone in your bedroom with the lights off and your staring at the ceiling except for that this is eternal. And this darkness , you soon will be watching your days away.

And suddenly months turn to years and the humans that loved you go on with their daily life and they have a pang in your chest for you but every now and then they get together and share a laugh together and on holiday after holiday they don't do what they would do if you were here, they have new things and new times and new foods and new regimens and there's even a new way of breathing. Because the air simply simply got heavier without you.

And the hugs got shorter and stiffer but they still go on.

And a couple more years pass by and they still haven't visited your grave. And they don't go monthly to refresh your flowers and as you decay and rot and turn to nothing but bone six feet under.

And the grass six feet above you is brown and dead and nobody wants to replant your grass and refresh your flowers and visit your rotted dead skeleton body because you are simply dead and your spirit lingers to linger and linger and linger until you open up your dusty eyes and have some faith that they are still around. That they are not their body , they are them and until you see them as them you will never see them.

You will never truly understand the dead because they are simply not simply dead.