The Boggart by TheRogueLibrarian

Chapter 1

It was third year and Harry stood just inside the classroom as Lupin explained about Boggarts. He had an uneasy feeling. He knew what his worst fear would be and then everyone would know.

Harry gulped.

Fear rising in his chest of the secret he would most likely be revealed. What could he do to stop this? To get away? He could say it would be Voldemort. He could say a dementor. He could say it would be a fucking Avada kedavra curse. At least then he wouldn't make Harry stand up to his fear. His fear that never goes away. His fear that if he were to stand up to it he would be punished more.

As he explained that one would have to change it into something funny he gasped silently to himself.

How could one make something so terrifying funny?

How could one make your living shame, anger, fear, hatred all bundled into one into some sort of joke?

No one could joke away the pain Harry felt every second he was breathing. No one could understand that every moment of his life was filled with dread. That he would rather face Voldemort three times over than face his real fear. That he would rather be called freak. Rather be ostracised from school. Rather find out he wasn't a wizard than face his fucking fear.

Lupin ordered the class to stand in a line.

Harry stood behind Malfoy. Malfoy stood behind Seamus. Seamus stood behind Ron. Ron stood behind Lavender. Lavender stood behind Pavrati. He had five people in front of him. Five people until his dirtiest secret was revealed. Five people to escape.

Harry couldn't even run.

His legs felt like stone as they glued him to the floor. His hands were starting to shake slightly. His breath caught in his throat and it came out raspy. But no one noticed as the class laughed at the snake that had turned into a piñata.

Harry didn't have enough time. Not enough time in the world to run. For someone who was meant to be a Slytherin you would think he would be able to run at a time like this. You would think he would see that it was better for people to be curious than know the truth. For someone who was a Griffindor you would think he wouldn't be frozen in fear at the inevitable.

Harry failed at both.

Lavender's turn. A pool of darkness turned into nothing but a puddle of dirty water. Strange. Everyone still laughed.

Another person was gone from the line. Fuck. There were only three people and Harry didn't have time to think about how to make his greatest fear into a joke. He could never do that. It would never be funny. How wounded he was could never turn into something like that.

How, after so long, could he let everything be so transparent? How after years could he let everyone see how much of a freak he really was? How after everything that he had been through could he have let it all boil down to nothing?

Harry felt sick.

Ron attached ice skates to the giant spider in front of him. Everyone laughed. Harry didn't.

There were only two left.

Time seemed to speed up as Harry realised what was about to happen. It truly sunk in. Would he feel relieved that everyone finally knew? That he would be free to no longer carry this secret on his shoulders? A secret that burned and cut and whipped. A secret that was weighing him down so much that he could barely stay above water. A secret that stole his dreams and replaced them with nightmares, a cynical Santa Claus that gifted him with terror all year round. This secret that he had told no one. This secret that followed him around at every waking hour like a second shadow.