Sacrifice

"I haven't lived the best life while I was younger. I only blame myself. My parents, as you would know, are the most caring people you will ever meet. They managed to put up with me for all these years. I blame myself for falling for the desires of this world. I was always told I could achieve anything if I just try hard enough. But for me it was easier to take shortcuts. So, cheating at school came easy and joining the wrong crowd seemed right at the time. I know, how ironic. Still no matter how many detentions and suspensions I went through, it did not at the time seem relevant. I did not really care if I was throwing my life away, I enjoyed the rebellion, I felt more alive. High school was an absolute blast. Of course I can say that because I was not the nerd or geek and like most high school movies are these days, they portray high school as an absolute nightmare. I experienced the "popular kids" side to it. I was the class clown; I wasn't the bully but I was part of the same crowd. I remember one afternoon, in my final year, a week before exams, we decided to bunk the later half of school. We were completely out of it in the morning anyway and school just seemed extra boring that sunny day. Then during break my friends and I just stayed a little bit longer. When everyone else went to class we found a climbable tree and we smoked and drank the day away. All I remember from that day was disappointed teachers, angry parents and friends who were not loyal. Oh, high school changed me. But it was my choice to make. Do I regret it... well of course I do but all of that lead to better moments.

Those high school moments did not change me. I went to an average university and studied a mediocre course. The high school behaviour carried over to university. You would think I would make better friends but I always found myself with the "yolo" crowd. University was none the better, it was a miracle how I got in. Wait, no it wasn't, I did mention cheating right? I was never caught in high school but uni was a different story. Not only was I expelled I was not able to get accepted anywhere else. My education w now was down the drain. I was never a fan anyway but my parents always knew best. Good parents always know best - keep that in mind.

Finding a job without an education was as hard as it gets, but I was not a quitter. I eventually moved out of the house, I could not take another day being a disappointment to my parents. I stayed with a friend for the time being and found a job washing dishes at a five-star restaurant. I know it sounds horrible but my whole life changed in the following months. I was 25 at the time steadily working.  The pay wasn't great but it would suffice. My friend and I "agreed" that I would only pay for a quarter of the rent. Sometimes good people also come with a price for being so good. You could say that I paid the rest through buying weed and occasionally some hardcore narcotics, I was always the one taking the risks.

Life was just great at the time, it was fantastic, awesome, absolutely splendid or at least that's how it felt when I was high. Every other moment was complete emptiness and living life that way was not the way to go forward. But it was the only way I knew. I could have phoned my parents for help but every time I attempted to dial their number, I felt guilty. How could I phone them when their only child, who they poured out complete love and care for, turned out to be a complete failure. So, I never did call.

I am truly grateful for May 17th though; this was the day I met the woman who would change everything. Since where I worked was a five-star restaurant, staff would change regularly as people could not take the pressure. So, it was no surprise when they announced the newest members of the staff. And for once I was not late for the early morning announcements. They were introduced one by one until finally the last person announced was my soon to be wife. Firstly, it wasn't soon but time never existed when I was with her. She was a chef in training and by far the most beautiful woman I ever saw. I am sure you can agree, it was not just how she appeared, everything she did just radiated gentleness with hints of elegance. I remember the first time we met, it was a crazy evening, tables needed to be cleared and dishes needed to be cleaned. As usual I went out for a quick smoke before the stress got to me. When I was back inside the dishes seemed to have multiplied exponentially. Since I always looked for shortcuts I tried to clean them as fast as possible but with as little effort. That did not work out, at least twenty plates fell and came crashing to the ground. I knew I was most definitely going to be fired. I was not irreplaceable by a long shot. I screwed up before but I could always cover up. This was extremely bad.