An Interview with an Immortal

An Interview with an Immortal

Firstly let me apologise in advance for the messiness of this interview, I had no time to edit it so decided to publish it in its entirety. May I also add that it may seem to jump around a bit, there were a few times when I had to take breaks and as I have not edited it you will have to use your own judgment as to where these places are.

The Immortals name is Stefan Santini, id been trying to get him to sit down with me for some time, all to no avail. So you can imagine my shock when he contacted me and said

"It's time to get this off my chest!"

What follows is an amazing insight into what until now has been thought of as a fable, for the first time I can prove beyond any doubt that there are Immortals among us.

Read on my friends.

"Before we start may I say thank you for allowing me this opportunity..."

"Cut the crap, we both know this interview will make you rich"

"Well I can only hope so; I will probably be the laughing stock of the industry when I publish it"

"From what I hear you already are"

"So Stefan, may I call you Stefan?"

"It's my name, so knock yourself out"

"So Stefan, can you prove to me that you're Immortal?"

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?"

"You wanted proof, what better way of proving it than by shooting myself?"

"Oh Christ, oh fuck, FUCK!"

"Hey calm down, take some deep breaths, that's it, in and out"

"I'm sorry, I'll be fine in a while, PLEASE don't do anything like that again!"

"I don't think I'll need to, do you?"

"When were you born?"

"The same time as the Earth, that is to say, I've been here forever"

"Are you trying to tell me that you're Billions of years old?"

"Yes"

"What was it like back then? The Earth I mean"

"Peaceful, there were no humans to fuck everything up"

"What was it like living with the Dinosaurs, what was Jesus like, what..."

"Whoa there man! Slow down! Firstly, the Dinosaurs were fine as long as you stayed away from them, secondly, how can you jump billions of years with your questions? And thirdly, I'm only one man; I wasn't in the same place as this Jesus you talk about"

"Why do you say, this Jesus? Don't you believe in God?"

"Sure I believe in God, I just don't buy into this son of God crap"

"That's sure to go down well with the majority of my readers!"

"Most of the people who'll read this are only doing so as they have nothing better to do"

"Excuse me for saying so Stefan, but you seem quite bitter for someone who has what most people dream about, you're Immortal! You should be the happiest man alive!"

"You think so? You think it'd be good to live forever? You'd like to do it would you? Let me tell you how good it is, let me tell you how much fun it is, watching everyone you love die! Knowing that if you fall in love you'll bury them, being too scared to have children for the same reason, yeah, being me is a real blast!"

"I'm sorry, I never thought of it like that"

"None do"