Alternate Universes

An Open Letter to a Dear Friend.

Jeremiah.

How long have we been friends now? Almost close to 4 years. There's something that has been at the back of my mind for years now, and I wanted to take this opportunity to share it with you.

I'm telling you this because I respect our friendship and I feel the need for you to know.

All these years I've really enjoyed your company - from meeting up to run through our research essays, group projects, presentations, eating our meals together, running with each other at SRC, to having casual banter and "real talk" - you've given me an alternative lens to view the world and I really appreciate that.

I've always told Jesus and Faith about you, and how much of a blessing you've been in my life. I wouldn't have made it through the past 4 years in university without you by my side, literally and figuratively. Thank you for contantly motivating me and pushing me to becone an even better version of myself, whether it be motivation to go running every night, or talking about aspects of ourselves we can improve.

Know that I'll always appreciate you for who you are, no matter your circumstances and flaws.

This brings me to what I want to tell you.

There were times in the past 4 years when I've thought about how I'd feel should you get attached. Would I be alright with it? Would I be jealous? Would I not care? My thoughts always somehow lead me back to when we first started off as friends - my worry is that I'm an overly attached friend who can't let go of you to someone else, someone who gets all of your attention.

There are times when I feel a tinge of jealousy when people ship you with some other girls in our cohort, or when you mention that "I'll totally date her" whenever we talk about any other random girl. I always think I'm a little too overly attached as a friend.

But as the years passed, I realised what I felt wasn't just jealousy, nor was I being an overly attached friend; I was slowly but surely falling in love with you, for who you are, and all the things that you don't love about yourself. Your little antics, the way you swear, the times you stare blankly at me, your crazy-fast running speed at SRC, your intellect, the way you think about things and how to approach them, the way you view life... Realising that I was falling in love with you took me 4 years.

What's next, you ask? I'm not sure. I hope this doesn't change anything about our friendship. I am well aware that I don't fall under your "potential partner" criteria of being humble, quick-witted, and adaptable. I do try, but clearly I do not possess all three traits.

Jeremiah. You're an incredible person with many flaws, but these are what make you, you. Sometimes I wish I could give you happiness that the world can't give. But that takes courage, sacrifice, and a lot of love.

So... here goes nothing.

I love you. I know my feelings aren't reciprocated. That's okay. I'll be alright. I just had to let you know before we graduate.

Take care of yourself, love yourself always. Be happy, stay safe. Give generously, be true to yourself.

I'll love you no matter what.

Elizabeth