Dreamlike. //Joji x Reader Imagines//

Answer.

{Trigger Warning}
If you're triggered by the concept of death or just sad shit in general, this ain't for you, sis.
____________

"It's your birthday today."

I'm standing in a field for the fallen, the cold, autumn breeze seeping through my bones. I clear my aching throat and continue.
"Wanna know something? I sometimes go over to our neighbors garden patch, you know that old grumpy lady? Yeah. I sometimes go over there and steal flowers just for you."

I look down at the lilies I'm currently holding. "I know these are your favourite flowers. I saw them just lying around in that patch so I just decided to take them." I chuckle a little. "You probably think I'm fucking lame, don't you."

It hurts to talk out loud to the person you love, and receive no answer.

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. I bend down and carefully place the flowers beside the many others that me, her family or friends might've left before. I slowly rise back up again.

"Jesus Christ, Y/N. Sometimes I wonder if you're even listening to me. Am I being insane? Am I just talking to a stone that commemorates your death? Is that it?" I cry.

"To just hear your voice again. If only I could hear your beautiful voice again. If only I could kill and torture the person who did the same thing to you. I would go to jail for you, Y/N.

If you were here. I would be so...happy. So, so happy...." A  stream of tears run down my face. I can't exactly pinpoint what this feeling is. I feel fustration, anger sandness all combined into one at the fact that I just can't see her. She's not there. She's not listening to me. She's....

Gone.

"There are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Usually you go stage by stage. But right now, I'm feeling all of them. Is that even possible, Y/N? Will I ever heal?"

"I want to know that there isn't just darkness. I want to know that there is life after death and that you're in heaven where you belong, and that you're okay because, fuck. If there isn't, then you should be here celebrating it like there's no tomorrow, like you always did. At a party, or wherever you like. Not just lying in casket for possibly the rest of eternity. That isn't the way to spend it. It's been so long. Too long in fact. 3 whole years and I'm still here, crying like a baby. I'm never gonna get over you, Y/N."

"Never."