And it happened again. Nothing has changed. My day wasn't bad at all. I woke up happy to see shawn again after months, but yeah... Shortly, before Shawn would arrive I went to my mom's house and tried to spend some time with her. My parents are divorced and I'm over it, all those fights I had to see. Phew I'm honestly happy that they got a divorce six years ago. My childhood was affected by my mother's attitude or more like her evil personality. I have all my respect towards to her, but she traumatized me a lot. I was at Shawn's hotel room waiting him to come back from his show. Sadly, I found myself on the bathroom floor crying my heart out. My relationship with her was always toxic. But today she took it a little too far. As I thought about it again, more tears were running down my cheek.
"Honey! I'm here. Where are you?" Shawn yelled. Shit, shit he couldn't see me like that. I quickly stood up and I got scared. My eyes were red, puffy and my lips swollen. I looked horrible. Shawn's knock on the bathroom door put me into the reality again.
"Honey? Why is the door closed? Is everything alright?" his voice sounded so confused.
"I- I showered. Uhm, I will be right back. Can you make me your famous hot chocolate? Please?" I asked. He should get now the hint that I'm not alright at all. I only drink his hot chocolate when I'm upset with something.
"Okey, I will be waiting for you."
Quickly, I put some concealer on my heavy bags under my eyes. I look better. He would not get it. I could say that something got into my eye. Shawn would believe it. He had to. Finally I made my way to the kitchen
"You look good in my hoodie. Here's your hot chocolate and now tell me what's wrong." he asked you with a little hope in his voice. You cleared your throat and took a sip of his delicious hot chocolate.
"It's stupid, Shawn."
"Feelings are not stupid. I want to know what's wrong with my girlfriend. I want to help her and I hate to see that she covered her puffy eyes, so I won't see that she cried."
This made me think a lot. He sees everything and he tries to help, but I always push him away. I push him away so he won't see this side of me. Suddenly, I felt a tear running down my cheek and I found myself crying next to him. I sobbed harder than I usually would. That was the moment when he held me in his arms, gently rubbing my back.
"Honey, what happened?" he lifts your chin up so he could see your beautiful but yet crying face better. As you looked up to him. His heart ached. Shawn hated to see you like this, especially when he didn't know the reason behind it.
"You know how my mom is right? I was at her house today, trying to make her happy with my presence. She wasn't happy about it. She said so many hurtful things. It hurt me so much. I thought she changed, but I was so stupid. Shawn,I'm so stupid." more tears were running down your cheek. You couldn't control your breath anymore. Why Shawn had to see me like this? Like a wreck who is crying over this.
"Hun, listen to me." he pulls you closer to his chest. You can hear his heartbeat which calms you down.
"I'm happy that you opened yourself towards to me. Hun, you're so kindhearted you will never recognize it, won't you? You did your best. It's her fault. You always tried to spend time with her, to take her to your home and to make your relationship better with her but it didn't work out. Not because of you. I don't want to see you like this. I love you so much and I know you want the best for everyone but don't let this disturb your beautiful shiny soul. I'm proud of you that you tried it. Honey, don't cry. I'm here and I will help you."
He swiped your tears away and kissed your forehead.
"You're better than her. I'm here okey? I love you. I love you so much." he whispered against your forehead. You were still on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. You got up and sat there watching the skyline through these big windows. Shawn was a little bit surprised by your act.
"I love you too. I don't deserve you. It just made me so sad, but like you said I tried everything. It isn't my fault."
Shawn came closer to you. You put your head on his shoulder again. The two of you watched the skyline in silence. It wasn't awkard, more peaceful than you would have thought.
"Don't say that, that you don't deserve me. You do. If something is bothering you don't be afraid to tell me about it. I'm your boyfriend and I will help you. I care about you and your happiness. What if we just stay here tonight and watch some movies? I will order something." Shawn offered.
"No. Can we go to a grocery store and buy everything we want? And then watch our favorite vines on YouTube? I want to laugh with you all night long."
Shawn just looked at me and placed a kiss on my lips.
"This sounds better. I will call Jake. And by this time you get ready. I love you."
I stood up and made my way to the bathroom, but something came into my mind.
"Shawn? Thank you for everything. That you listened, that you make me smile every day more. Thank you. I really appreciate it."
"Everything for you, honey."
~~~
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This story was inspired by something I experienced, and I thought it would have been sweet to write about it. And thank you to the ones who are reading this book & putting this book in their reading list. I appreciate it a lot. I love you guys x
