While standing next to the open windows, gazing at the midnight blue sky. The stars twinkle from the distance; the moon itself embracing the night. Shiver, when the breeze hit against my bare skin. Rubbing my arms, I look at the landscape- it was breathtaking also exhilarating. Some people don’t realise the beauty of nature, how it just has no limits to convey our eyes that there is more to this world; the exquisite beauty is hidden, the only way to find the concealed grace- is to search with your own sentiment.
One last look at the scenery, that only seems to appear at my lonely night. I close the windows, and pull the curtains to cover the dark skylight. Walk towards the long mirror which captures the girls’ movement. I look at the girl, the big brown eyes; buried behind those eyes it only reflects the sadness that represents her life. The soft curls of her jet black hair fall against her back, her slender frame which almost looks fragile. I have to look at this girl every day, pitying myself knowing it’s me. My lips tug at each end forming into the same smile each and everyday- it isn’t any normal smile it’s the smile that forms on your face when any person dismal, distressed and in despair.
Reaching the back of my dress, pulling the zipper down; gracefully it lands on the soft carpet, contacting my skin. Stepping out, gently picking up the elegant garment. Brushing my fingers against the feathery material, observing the piece; the mesmerizing jewel glistens from the dimmed light. This dress it self is beautiful indeed- but on me not so much.
There can be many reasons why this frock is not a beauty on me. The only reason….the only reason is because I have watched the love of my life getting taken away from me tonight. Well he was not actually mine, I’ve dreamed, wished and desired to be his or him to be mine. But this can never happen, never in a million years. He would never consider me in the position that I am longing to be in; he has never in any condition looked at me than a girl who has been brought up with him the past Seventeen years of my life.
My best friend, the Anonymous.
The ultimate player of the generation or just probably in the school. Well, who cares but he is though can’t say no to that. But inside this player I know the real him: the one that makes me laugh for no reason, the one that can have long conversation and never get bored, there are more reason that can fill a whole page or probably more about how much I adore him, but that’s my best friend who I madly fell in love with.
The word ‘Love’ which can not be given to me, never ever. My best friend that I dearly love can not be mine , I wish he was. I love him so much that I’m willing to let him go not for the feelings I have for him but for my best friend. I want him to experience life-without my presence in his life. To get rid of this forbidden emotion is only the lack of distance; need to be far away from him as possible so I won’t feel the need of his touch, warmth and that smile.
Understanding my decision, I know it will affect my relationship with the Anonymous. It may stay or it may break apart, it doesn’t matter because I don’t want him to stuck with a girl like me; in my opinion I don’t think he ever wants to be with a girl like me, he wouldn’t give a second look.
So I’m leaving tonight, last night at my very own home town Louisiana. I got accepted at my dream collage ‘Columbia University’ have to move all the way to New York- I’m going to study law and become a successful lawyer. Always dreamed to visit this amazing city with the buzzing atmosphere and the culture of this city is just astonishing for my virgin eyes, who has only set eyes just in this town but tomorrow I will become independent, my own women and fight the ‘real world’ and hopefully forget one person, the Anonymous.
He does not know I’m leaving; I just didn’t want him to know because I know he will stop me from going. Just to look at his face will break my heart. So, being a coward and not facing him, just not going to tell him. One thing I will regret is not being able to say my last goodbye; I can’t even remember my last word that I said to him. Clearly, I will miss him so much, but I know this is for him and for me the distance and probably forget him and start fresh, clear my mind and fall in love? Again?
