His breath was heavy, everyone could hear that. His hands shaky, he caughed so his fans wouldn't get it that he was about to cry. But I could sense it. Before the show started, Shawn was more nervous than usual.
His fans were screaming and some of them cried too. I went back to his dressing room and scrolled through Instagram. My eyes were now filled with tears. No, I'm not sad I'm just so proud of him and his fans are so supportive. He deserves this so much. Sadly, I didn't know that he was using medications for his anxiety.
"He finally said it," Brian interrupted my thoughts. What was he doing here?
"What are you doing here? Are you not supposed to be watching his show right now?" I was confused.
"I could ask you the same. I saw you running down to his dressing room, so I thought I could ask you if you're alright,"
"I'm alright, just a little bit overwhelmed." I gave him a smile so he could believe it that I'm alright.
"You're lying, but he should be on the way to you. You usually are supporting him all the time and he saw you that you weren't there. I don't know what's going on, but -"
Brian was interrupted by Shawn who looked at us.
"I should go now. Good job, dude. I'm proud of you," and so Brian left us alone and now I wished he wouldn't have left us alone.
Shawn made his way to the cupboard to change his sweaty clothes.
"Why did you go? Is everything alright?" he asked. This makes my heart melt. Honestly, he should be thinking about his own happiness and now he is asking if I'm alright.
"Yes, I am. Stop asking." My answer was too sharp and I don't know why I'm like this. Shawn looked at me without any emotions. He knew why I was reacting like that and I hated to act like a bitch, but it makes me so sad that he never told me about this medicine. I knew that he was using something, but not for his shows. And he is on tour all the time so I couldn't find it out. But my attitude right now was just so stupid...
"I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say. Shawn, of course, I'm so proud of you and happy for you. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for you today. And I'm so glad that you try to perform without this anxiety medicine. I'm so proud of you. So, so proud of you."
Shawn looked speechless. He probably thought that I'm going to be mad and start a discussion with him, but I understand him. Sure I'm heartbroken about the fact he kept it as a secret but I feel like a proud mom now.
"I'm not finished yet. Yes, I'm upset and heartbroken about it, that you didn't tell me about it. You always can trust me, never be afraid of it. I won't judge you or say that you are weak. you're so strong. so brave, my love."
Shawn was smiling like a child who got free candies at school.
He couldn't believe that he got a girl like you.
Shawn came nearer to me and kissed me gently on my lips.
"I'm sorry. I should've told you about it. I'm so happy that you're with me. I don't want to lose you."
"Love, I will never let you go. Let's go they're waiting for us." you quickly grabbed his hand and placed a kiss on his hand.
You were so proud of him. You would never let him go or even alone.
~~~~
This took long! I just ran out of ideas.
I'm soooo proud of shawn ugh my baby.
