Lost words

Chapter 1

(Key:**** means that the setting or time have changed.)
Lucas POV
I closed my eyes, maybe sleep will help?. Covering my ears with cold hands I tried not to listen, of course it wouldn't help if the voices were in my head but I still needed to try. 'Worthless, a fool you are... you really believe they care?' The voice mocks me.
'Shut up' I whispered.
' why? I'm only speaking the truth, you know your useless and weak, why do you trust them? What if they leave you too?' It answered serenely.
' I said, SHUT UP! WHY DO YOU CARE!?' I yelled hoping that this would silence the voice but it only replies in amusement.
'Because I'm you, a worthless piece of garbage, a waste of space In this world, aren't you better of dea-'
'AAAAARRRGH!' I screamed, cutting of the voice, louder and louder I yelled drowning the voice within me.
That night, music, was the only friend that lulled me to sleep. I silently hoping that I won't wake up tomorrow.
**********
Waking up, a sad reality. I groaned as I got out of bed, sluggishly I grabbed the clothes that I'd wear today.
I looked into the mirror, Looking back at me, was a pale face with dark circles under his eyes which were partly covered by unkept messy black hair. He wore grey hoodie over his black shirt and ripped jeans. Behind him a mess of what he calls his bedroom. Clothes were thrown here and there, on the floor, desk and unmade bed. Books out of the shelves arranged as neatly as possible on the desk, those shelves now partly occupied medicine; painkillers, sleeping pills, anti depressants, etc. posters and flyers hung around the place some on the ground along with bags of junk and food. The curtains were drawn and only a little sunlight escaped into the dark room. This was me. I stopped staring into the mirror, sighed, and left.
The harsh cold greeted me as I stepped out and headed on my way. Cars of different colors whizzed by me. The orchestra of traffic had already erupted, synchronizing with the sounds of angry honks were the voices of people.
It was sickening. Listening to the people talking. If you listen carefully, you'll be able to hear them. The judging voices, the critics of society. You'd hear whispers. That the guy with tattoos might be a criminal. That the man who was homeless was a prick. That the young girl carrying a child was a slut. The women that sat at the corner was victim to rape. The man who abuses his wife lives in this neighborhood a few blocks away. The lady in block one had been widowed and the list goes on. But what's worse is the fact that not a single one of them, not even ONE of them would dare confront them,Or help them. Isn't it sickening? It's nauseating.
I had arrived at my destination. Greeted with fake smiles, I approached the door. I hesitated but knocked anyways, " come in," her voice greeted me. Who's voice you ask? My therapist, Evelyn. I greeted her with a weak smile. "Ah! Lucas, how are you today?"
" fine, except last night they whispered to me again,"
" they did? How did you deal with them?"she asked. I could see and hear, through her voice and expression I could tell she was concerned. Genuinely concerned. That's what I like about her, she doesn't make a front, she's honest. She doesn't fake it, unlike the countless others I've had worked with. It was reassuring. "Well? How did you deal with them?" She repeated.
Cautiously I replied, " three painkillers for the headache, two pills so that I could sleep before I closed my eyes." I answered, then remembered and added that, "Maybe I'm becoming immune to them, I can't sleep even when I take them. So could you prescribe new pills? Please." I asked.
" first of all, what did they tell you?" She asked with authority in her usually soft voice.
" that I was worthless, and not to trust other people." I answered. I was really in need of those pills. I really, really needed them. I was desperate. I couldn't sleep.
" second question. How long do you think you slept?"
"Maybe 2 -3 hours?" Come on, prescribe new pills. I need the pills! Painkillers don't work well. Only sleep rids me of the pain.
"Okay, Lucas, this means you've only slept around 21 hours throughout this week! That's horrible for your physical and mental health," damn it,I was sweating. I need the pills, I'm twitching and itching for them. "Lucas? Are you okay? You look pale...wait, don't tell me" she took a good look at me. "do you need new pills?" She asked calmly.
Finally, " y- yes Please," I managed. I started to calm down. The twitching and itching stopped.
" okay. Lucas, you know they aren't the answers you need, right? They are only a temporary method. Why not try to fight the voices?" She looked into my eyes with her green emerald eyes.