In The Thick Of It

Where did I go?

Where does one usually go when there is too much going on in the outer world?
Yes, in the inner world.
Where is the inner world exactly?
Many sages of the world have chimed in on this one.
I choose to believe my inner world is my being. I call my being, my spirit, my life force, my energy. So, I am my own sage.
Ever since I was a little girl, I experienced each day with my being.
Oh, I knew I had a physical body. Unfortunately, that physical body kept getting hurt, so I gained my perspective from my being. I had fun watching my physical body move into and get out of all kinds of situations.
Okay, you now know, I am an inner world being.
(Want to read more about my younger years, just ask, I am here to please you, the reader.)
Moving back, I mean forward into the now, I have been played.
I have just learned that my x-husband has been grooming his newly widowed brother to be my suitor.
So, I was married to this guy, who was physically attractive to me.
Oh yeah, all my life, I was wanting to met a white Mexican, who would have blue eyes and blonde hair.
(Again, I need to get back to the present. If you want to hear more about that time of my life, let me know.)
Yes, grooming his brother to sweep me off my feet and marry him.
Well, how else can he keep the money in the family?
Personally, I am struggling here, raising my two boys.
Oh, I forgot to tell you, that this is an international story.
Yep, at one point in our marriage, my dad made him promise to bring me back home to America. (Again, I am gonna say, if you wanna here more about that, let me know.)
So, when my x goes to his homeland, we, my boys and I, feel the brunt of it financially.
Before he left this last time, he made sure to tell me that his brother's wife was not eating and could not get out of bed. She was very weak, she had cancer, they did not know how long she would last.
Then about a week before he left, he told me, his brother's wife had passed.
Died, she did not have to suffer anymore. His brother's family lived in the same house and took care of her and the farm.
This is some back history that needs to be told, so you can understand what I mean about keeping the money in the family.
So, when I visited my ex's family, (We were married at the time!) we visited his brother and his family. There was his brother, two boys and his brother's wife.
We got to see the black and white cows and how they came to the wire fence to stick their heads over to get hay. We walked to the barn in the mud!!!! to see the big steel grey milking vats.
There were also long rubber tubes and at the ends, suction cups. Yeah, we got to see how those cows got hooked-up to get milked###!!!! What in the heck does this have to do with anything?
This family did not own the farm!
They just got to live there and work it.
(There were other farm animals there, too!) The family lived in a small house, a one room house with two beds and a small kitchen! So, you know they had to be pretty close.
Another brother would come in and help, that was his livelihood!
So, that's a little, yet big part of the story.
When you are from America and have had your own room, and your parents owned their own house...looking at a different lifestyle, was to say the least, eye opening!
Anyway, another part to that story, as I learned later, much later, from my ex, was that he had went in with his brother to buy a dairy farm with more land. (Two and two makes four)
Now I know why he kinda skipped out on helping us for more than a few years. (There's more to that! Let me know if you want me to fill in with the juicy details!)
So, now, with his brother being a widower, and his grown sons and their wives and kids running the farm....my ex's brother is free to marry.
So, my ex has been gone an extra long time, he usually calls my son when he is not at his phone. Then, when my son calls him back, there is no answer.
Have you ever been able to read a person so well that it is beyond scary?
For me, this is the person, my ex!
My inner being is thrilled to have you
along. This is only the beginning to what I thought was the end when I was divorced!