I so wanna fucking die sometimes. Well, not really, but it feels like I want to. If I was brave enough...
Am I dramatic? I dont know.
Only thing i do know, is that I hate myself.
More than I hate others, that is.
What the fuck is the problem here? Is it me? Is it them?
My sister. She just cussed me out. And I could feel the anger, if not the hatred.
Okay, I had earphones on and I couldn't hear her when she was calling or shouting my name, but does she have to act like such a bitch? Its not like it was a matter of life or death.
And she's fucking younger than me. I dont need a hell of a lot of respect, but atleast, acknowledgement as a human being is enough. Is that really too much to ask?
Im 6 years older than her too. 6 fucking years older than her, and im the one locked in the bathroom, crying her ass off while that bitch is all calm in the other room.
Why do I have to give in all the fucking time? I dont want to.
God, all this snot and tears. My face is itching because of it.
I dont know what to do. Should i call R? I kinda want to, but dont. Isnt that pathetic? Only person I can call, is in a different fucking state, and studying for an exam. I can't talk to anyone here like this.
....
Okay, just blew my nose, washed and wiped my face, calmer now. What else should I say? More like, what else should I write..
I dont wanna go out right now, its always so much calmer in the bathroom. Its like, my own private space, the only private space at home.
All I wanna do, is get successful, get the hell out of here to some place of own, alone, and then finally have good familial relationships, because I dont have to be with them all the fucking time.
Guess thats all for today.
