Magoa

In a small village, a family of Bernardo used to be quite famous in terms of "happy family."

See that girl who just walked out on the backyard? The girl who have frizzy brown hair and ridiculous body. Well, her body is not that thick exactly but kind of thick body and she got an unsmiling face, the low-key daughter of Elizabeth, her name is Kathryn. Yes, my name is Kathryn. I bet you are wondering I've got a great name, but not a great face and body. I'm known as the snob in my school and town, but I don't mind since it is not the real me. Only if people are interested enough to find out the truth, but they don't.

They don't know anything, which I came from a broken family. Shocking isn't? But that's the truth. Ever since I was a kid, my mom and dad went to their separate ways in their lives not thinking how it will upset me and my older brother who was left behind. It still affects me every night in my dreams but nobody knows. I still keep it to myself. My aunt is the one who took care of us, since she had a deal with my mom who went to Taiwan and worked there for us to live.

And there goes my mom, sweeping those dried leaves that fall from the trees in the backyard. I gaze at her and realize something. My mom's really getting old. Her skin's changing, the wrinkles on her face starting to show little by little but to me she's still beautiful. One thing that always remains in her is the smile on her face that never runs out. Before the day ends I spent quality time with my mom, we laughed, and we talk things and share stories to catch up with each other.

As I open my eyes I look into the ceiling. My heart's beating so fast, I dreamt about it again. I'm running out of breath, it feels like I'm in a marathon competition and my heart is pumping so hard. I'm trying to calm myself and I recalled my dream.

It was a dull night; the loneliness embraces me in the four corners of my room. Heard nothing except the whistle of the wind that blows on my face coming from my open windows. Awakening me while I'm lying on my bed with the wet pillows on my head due to the tears that keep flowing from my swollen eyes. Waiting to anyone that is brave enough to break the silence, but it made me realized even more that I am alone in my dark and cold room.

As I walked out to my door, I heard a loud bang. I run and run as faster as I could until I reached the place where the noises are coming from, it was in our small living room. As I've arrived I witnessed a woman sitting on our red carpet with a mark of scratch in her face from picking up the broken bottles that was thrown in the interior walls and ended up on the dirty floor. I walk closely to reach her out but instead she refused and rejected me.

I was stunned while standing in front of her, I look around as I observed the wall clock has stopped, it was 12 midnight. All I can see is the pain in her eyes. That woman is my mom, who I cherish the most. She is most definitely in pain and I can see it but there's nothing I can do about it. Being left by a guy she loved the most and very reason why she is in severe pain. That guy is my father.

I couldn't stand the pain that she's been going through. That night the darkness filled our used to be happy place, it changed it was full of sadness. Instead of being there for her, I ran. I ran back to my room and hide in my thick blanket and hugged myself. I started crying, because the dream I was dreaming of was not a nightmare or fantasy, instead it became true, it became a reality. It was a flashback on what happened to us

I'm scared, my anxiety's attacking but no one can notice it. It's so hard to keep it to myself. It feels like I'm drowning with my own thoughts. My chest's aching from this heavy pain. Like I am trying to swim. To save myself from all of this, but it feels like the more I try, the more I will drowned.

It's been years since it happened, but it still feels like yesterday. I'm okay or maybe I'm just probably trying to be okay because I already want to move on. I am accepting things, leaving everything from the past but it seems like I will always carry this burden with me. I will always want to be better, to have a better family.

It sometimes hinders me to the genuine happiness I've wanted to have since I'm afraid to experience it. He left a big scar not only in me, but to my family as well. Jealousy's embracing me, seeing him happy with his new family makes me want to shout and kick his damn ass. He left with full of questions in my mind and now I'm still left wondering what did we do wrong?