the diary of the depraved

Chapter 1

As I stand here pacing in the bathroom of yet another fancy restaurant where they charge £100 for a stake and don’t even trust me to apply my own pepper like I could get that wrong I am not a completely retarded, I find myself repeating the words that have become for too familiar to me “your amazing you’re a goddess a gift from on high you deserve the white dress and happy ending” I look up in to the mirror check my hair my teeth and smile “you’re ready”

I leave the bathroom with a kind of swagger you get from drinking too much on an empty stomach, as I walk through the restaurant of beautiful people I pass the gentleman who’s name I don’t know looks like a Derek, and sat across the gentleman is obviously a high price escort, how do I know she is an escort you might ask isn’t it obvious? The guy must way about 500lb and she is a perfect 10 or an A in my book I use the letter system its more complicated but it allows more diversity in your female counter part, the only way a girl like that would be with a guy like him is if he was paying her which is option A or option B he founded Facebook.

 that and the fact that he is wearing a wedding ring and she is wearing well to be honest hardly anything, as I walk past there table I hear him discussing his trip to Italy “it’s a beautiful country and the food is the best in the world” figured that’s where the conversation was going guy looks like jabba the hut she looks board I can hear her inner monologue “ £1500 an hour just act interested 43 minutes to go”  I see her check the clock she notices me I smile and mouth “hi” she just smiles and continues her fascinating date with jabba god she’s a pro, I walk past 3 more table and a waitress I don’t remember her name but I do remember the look on her face when she caught me in bed with her sister,

 I bet that Christmas was awkward! I try not to make eye contact but I still see the look of disgust and hatred on her face and in her eyes I can’t deny it made me want her there and then in front of everybody, but then I remembered she stole my watch so I decided to keep on walking finally I see my table and the goddess sitting at it her name is Chantelle she is a dancer not exotic she dances ballet she is Aphrodite herself long blond her perfect breasts with legs that go on forever and her arse is no slouch either, I wonder is it really time to break up couldn’t I try and make it work I sit down across from her pondering my decision

 then she opens her mouth “hey babe what took you so long” and her voice hits me like nails on a chalk board my whole body clenches up I couldn’t explain how annoying and high it is without going it to gross detail but in some country’s its considered a form of torture or animal cruelty, “sorry I was talking to a friend” “it’s okay so I think we should take about taking this thing to the next level or what?” “Hmm what?” I reply “we are coming up on 5 months Arch” I know what you thinking, if her voice was that bad why have you been with her for 5 months well her voice is terrible but the sex is electric did I mention ballet need I say more?, “we have kept it pretty casual but I think it’s time we get our own place I mean I just want to know what you see us becoming?” “I see us becoming really close great friends eventually” her smile drops her mind is ticking over its now or never, my minds made up time to break up I run the inner monologue I rehearsed in the bathroom mirror then I say it “look Chantelle your amazing you’re a goddess a gift from on high you deserve the white dress and happy ending I’m just not the guy to give it to you I’m broke I’m damaged ”         she stops for that moment everything stops then it kicks in “ what are you saying are you breaking up with me” “no no no well yes but I’d like to remain  friends we are pretty close aren’t we?”

 she is staring at me I’m sure if I looked close enough in her eyes id see the plan on how she has decided to make my death look like an accident, “CLOSE we are CLOSE” the whole restaurant is now staring at us “ I just like to keep things casual” “CASUAL” she is becoming more hysterical “I gave up the butt for you do you think I would let you sodomize me having known you were going to break up with me” with her high voice its rather amusing,