SOML//COLLECTION (CONSTANT)

1. Panic Attacks

In. Out.

Just breathe; surely it can't be that hard.

The issue is that boys like that go for girls that know what they want, dress how they want and dance how they want. Not girls that have to go outside because they're about to have a panic attack. It's just not a thing.

And as much i don't want to be that girl that leave party early cause she had a panic attack, I am. I can't help it, it just happens; and to be honest, it really, really hurts.

I think I need to backtrack a bit on when these things started happening. It was a grade 10 dance and i was being pushed out of a dance circle - pretty normal cause it happens to everyone. From there, it branched out to parties, some even to the point of leaving early because I had stopped breathing. I hated myself for this, it was almost like i couldn't have fun, that i didn't know how to have fun. Essentially, it's continued on for 5 years and at this point i really wish it would stop.

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I wish i hadn't just driven 10 minutes in the wrong direction in an attempt to get home. I also wish that i had someone to call while i was crying and driving in the wrong direction. but like i said, i'm not that type of girl. I'm the type of girl that switches moods as quick as some people switch songs. It makes it really hard to be myself when that happens. i've got too many personalities- the bitchy one, the sweet one, the sarcastic one, the mediocre one, the stressed one, the clingy one.

I could go on and on about how bloody clingy i am. I think i'm doing better, but does anyone really ever get better at being less clingy?

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The party thing strikes again, except this time, i know everyone and i can't leave because i have to drive people home. so really, i'm in a sticky situation. I've had two plates of carrot already and now i'm ready for some KFC.

It only gets worse and worse as the night goes on, i breathe and i breathe, but it's been 2 hours and i've had to step out 8 times.

I got KFC if you were wondering; the popcorn chicken was soggy.