A Boy Named Kookie

In My Feelings

Officer Hyuk tried to console me with kind words and smiles, but I couldn't look at him without feeling anger gurgle forward. Despite tear tracks and messed emotions, I pull myself together enough to leave the station with a semblance of dignity. The whole ordeal was not even three hours, so I find myself shielding my eyes from the noon sun. I don't want to head home, seeing Yoongi upset and the apartment devoid of little coos, just makes me depressed. Instead of being responsible and comforting both myself and Yoonie, a bar down the street catches my eye. For the second time in a week, I want to get wasted. I, Kim Seokjin, never drink. The feeling of not being in control doesn't seem appealing. However, with a sober mind right now I am in just as much control of my feelings as when I am under the influence.

Deciding that it is normal for a 24-year-old man to drink it up every once in a while. I cross the street and make my way to the shadier part of the business district. A bell rings as I enter the soju haven. Due to it being early in the day only a few patrons mill about eating ramen and gimbap. Ignoring the stares I make my way to a lonely table for two. Before I can perch fully on the stool a grumpy older looking man approaches. "What will it be, kid? You better have money cause I ain't wasting business on a cheap kid." I smirk and pull 20,000 won wadded from my wallet and throw it down to the worn wooden surface. He squints at me but nods as I order two bottles of soju.

I can't help but think about Jungkook, I mean he has occupied my waking hours for the last two weeks. I just want the best for him, even if it means breaking my heart in the process. An unsettling feeling blooms across my conscious as I recall my encounter with the Jeon's. The cold stares and almost robotic composure makes me worried about Jungkook's new home. His mother must have had a reason for not having him raised by her parents, why else would she have given the baby to me on a bus of all places.

The man returns placing the cold bottles in front of me, I smile in thanks as he returns to the bar. Twisting the cap off quickly, I down a good portion before slamming the bottle back down to the table. I sit back and watch as drops of condensation run down the glass, mirroring the tears that I shed as Jungkook left in the arms of his grandmother, wails echoing on repeat in my mind. My tears have now dried and a hollow pit has replaced my aching heart. How could I have let things end like this, Jungkook taken by his uptight grandparents, Yoongi trapped in little space alone, and me numbing the pain with cheap drinks.

Knocking back another swig of soju I begin to feel the effects of the alcohol on my brain. The first bottle is quick to go, but as I begin the second I start to sway. The bartender looks at me funny, but I can only bat my eyelashes and throw a hand kiss his way. The grumpy man scowls and goes back to wiping the counter. By now I can't even recall what brought me to this point in time. Looking around, the small establishment seems to be quickly filling as the afternoon marches on. My phone buzzes, but I ignore whoever's trying to get ahold of me. In doing so I catch a glimpse of the time and the digits flash 1:30 before the device makes its way back into my pocket.

Having finished the first and most of the way through the second bottle I call said bartender over. "I'm gonna need another round. It's been a rough few days, man. You get it?" I swipe my hand across his shoulder and he harshly shoves my inebriated form back towards the table.

"Look here boy, I will bring you one more. Once you down that, get out. I don't want some drunk making a fool of himself." His words roll off my shoulders and I simply blow yet another kiss while giggling. The man leaves as fast as he can and barely returns long enough to balance the soju in front of me. Having been refreshed with a new one I quickly chugged the rest of the second bottle causing a coughing fit to ensue. I have always been a terrible drinker, all through high school Yoongi would laugh at my inability to hold my alcohol. Yoongi? Why does my heart skip a beat when he crosses my mind? Not being able to recall why I twist the cap on the new soju and play with the empty one laying beside it.