One Shots

The taste of nicotine and blood, yum

Billie Eilish- I love you

I opened my eyes to the bright light of the tv screen. Netflix was asking if I was still watching reruns of Gilmore Girls. A knock sounded at my door, that being what woke me up originally. I grabbed my phone off the floor where it had fallen and saw that it was 2:36 am. My eyebrows furrowed and I sat up while squinting at the door. A murderer wouldn't knock right?
My right hand felt around for the remote. As I grabbed the remote and turned the tv off the knocking got louder. This time a voice accompanied it.
"Arianna!" The door muffled the voice but I knew it was a man. "It's Jace, please open the door. It's cold as hell out here."
Fuck me. Maybe if I kept quiet he'd leave.
I stood up and rocked back and forth on my heels and connected my hands behind my back. 10 seconds later he rang the doorbell. Multiple times. I groaned. Note to self: break the doorbell.
Shaking my head I tiptoed to the door and unlocked it. I took a deep breath and threw open the door. His fist was up because he was going to knock again. What if I wasn't home? Was the moron just going to sit there all night?
I met the bloodshot and teary eyes of the guy who, the last time I saw, told me to 'Fuck off' and spat 'I don't love you and I can't.' Whatever the hell I can't means.
I tried really hard to keep an emotionless face but when I saw his beaten one I couldn't keep the worry and shock off my face. He was bruised and bleeding. His normally intoxicating hazel eyes were black and blue and his full lips were cut and chapped. A large red, and slightly bruising, mark was left on his ivory cheek.
"What the hell happened to you Jace?" I questioned him and gently ran the tips of my fingers over the ugly mark under his eye that I was sure was going to scar. He slightly shivered against my touch.
He stepped closer to me gingerly and I could smell that he reeked of alcohol and cigarettes.
"Ari." He simply stated and rested his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist lazily. I wanted to push him off and tell him to fuck off the same way he did to me but I couldn't. He obviously was screwed up right now and I couldn't let him go out somewhere and manage to kill himself. Even if he didn't love me, I still loved the bastard.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Which honestly was a pretty bad idea given what he smelt like right now, instead of his normal cinnamon and something else I could never figure out.
I somehow managed to back us up into the house and close it with my foot while also carrying a significant amount of his weight as well.
Given I was in no mood for him to be near me, especially at this hour, I tossed him onto the couch and giggled when he tumbled to the ground.
"I deserved that," he slurred and leaned against the couch.
"Why are you here, Jace," I huffed and sat on the couch, crossing my legs under me. "And why do you look like you got hit by a bus and dragged?"
"Punched Danny." He shrugged as if it was nothing.
"Are you insane? Are you trying to kill yourself, dumbass?" I slammed my face into my hands. "I can deal with him myself." I tried to convince him and myself. "I don't need you to do anything to protect me. Don't even know why you would." I muttered the last part under my breath.
"He was being a dumb fothermucker." He chuckled. "I mean motherfucker."
    I held back a laugh because I needed to be mad right now.
"That doesn't mean you should punch him," I reprimanded him like a child. He didn't seem to really hear me as he was in his own world.
"Saying things about you. Things he would do to you and all his buddies just laughed." he trailed off, his voice venomous. "I could kill him!" Jace shot up and stumbled as he tried to leave and apparently go find Danny again. I jumped up and grabbed his wrist and he crossed his feet over the other wrong and his eyes widened as he started falling forward. Lucky for his already hurt nose, I caught him before he could.
"Jace." I placed my hands on his shoulders and shook my head. "You're drunk and already beat up enough. Just stop, please."
"I'm not drunk. I'm the soberest in fact." Compared to who? Honestly, I'd be worried about alcohol poisoning for whoever he's comparing himself to.
    My head tilted back and I looked at the ceiling controlling my breathing to stop myself from whacking him upside his head and causing a worse migraine in morning.
When I felt like I was in control of my emotions I met his mossy hazel eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed and was studying me. Jace's bottom lip was poking out in a pout. The lips that had kissed me with desire at one time and then broke my heart another.
I let go of his shoulders and looked away biting the inside of my cheek. "We need to clean up your cuts," I mumbled trying not to focus on how badly I missed him and loved him. Even just him being my best friend again would be better than this emptiness.
Not waiting for his reply I trudged to the kitchen and grabbed the first aid kit for under the sink. I heard the scrapping of a chair and Jace shuffling to sit in it.
Neither of us spoke as I searched through the kit and while I tried to avoid his eyes he watched me with the same look as before. I swallowed before I finally broke the silence.
"This is going to sting." Good. I poured a little rubbing alcohol on a cotton pad and held his chin with my thumb and pointer finger. He hissed when I touched the cotton pad to the worst cut under his eye. Is it bad that I was kind of enjoying his pain? Probably.
He never stopped searching my face and I continued to avoid looking anywhere but his injuries. Once I got to the last cut on his lip, he clasped my hand with his. I closed my eyes and held my breath trying to pretend I haven't been craving even a touch as simple as this. I'm such an idiot.
"I lied," he whispered making me open my eyes.
"About what? Punching Danny?" I asked confused.
He shook his head and finally looked away from my face. "No. That was definitely true. He almost looks worse than me," he boasted with a smirk.
He stood up and pulled me in wrapping his arms around my waist and laying his chin on my shoulder to whisper in my ear like it was a secret. "You remember, like 2 years ago, when we went to that lake and camped?"
That was a random change of subject.
I only nodded in response. We were going to go with a couple friends but they ended up bailing last minute and we still wanted to go. I was fine with it because he was my person, the one I trusted and told everything to.
He reached up absentmindedly played with a strand of my maroon hair that had fallen from the back of my messy bun.
"We laid on the dock all night instead of sleeping like we should've. It was so dark but I could still see your tired smile. You looked so fucking content and beautiful." I inhaled harshly. He was drunk off his ass but right now he sounded so sober. "At one point you grabbed my hand and pointed at a really dull and small star and called it ours. You named it the "reject's star" and sounded so proud of it. That's when I knew."
He stopped speaking and I was about to curse him out for not finishing his thought when he placed his hands on both sides of my head and laid his forehead against mine before closing his eyes. His curly black hair fell forward and brushed against my cheek. Every word I was about to say had gone out of my head like a Japanese bullet train.
Against the smarter part of my brain's will, I wrapped my arms, that had been stiffly next to my sides this whole time, around his neck and shut my eyes and just listened to his breathing and mine. I could kind of smell the cinnamon, breaking through the liquor stench, that I was so familiar with and I drank it in, not knowing when the next chance would be for me to be intoxicated by it. Even if a part of me was telling me not to enjoy it, I was.
"I'm sorry, Ari." His breath tickled my cheek. "For everything... mostly for telling you to fuck off. I don't want you to fuck off. I want you to fuck on." I gave a quick breathy laugh through my nose. Yeah, he's still very drunk.
"Why did you? You hurt me. You knew you were the only one that had the power to do that so harshly and you used it against me." I pushed him back slightly and he opened his eyes. His bloodshot eyes were still slightly covered by his heavy eyelids. His long dark lashes weighing them down more. Jace just looked so tired, and not only physically, he looked mentally exhausted.
Jace raised his hand from where they had fallen against his side and brushed a stray hair off my face. He traced his finger carefully down my jaw before holding my chin between his thumb and pointer finger. His thumb ran along my lower lip and his dark eyes completely enraptured in following where it traced.
I held my breath and felt my eyelids growing heavy. My body reacted to his touch in a way my brain wasn't wanting it to. I craved the feeling, never wanting it to go away.
No.
He can't just come here and act all perfect and make me forget that I'm hurt and crushed because of him.
I backed up quickly and he flinched. My body shivered at the loss of his warm hands. I hated that he could do this to me with even a simple touch. Fuck. Why did I love him. Why couldn't I love someone else. Someone that cared for me, loved me, wanted me.
"You didn't answer me, Jace. Why did you do it?" I wrapped my arms around myself and stared at my feet. Tears trickled down my cheeks. Fucking traders my eyes were.
"I lied," he stated once again.
"You keep fucking saying that Jace! Please, tell the class what you mean." I choked out a bitter and cold laugh.
"That I didn't love you. I lied. But I meant it when I said I can't love you."
My eyebrows furrowed and I met his eyes. "No. You don't get to say that. You don't love me. If you loved me the way I love you, you wouldn't have hurt me like that." My body shook as I sobbed.
"You can't tell me how I feel, Ari! I love you. I know that's the most true feeling I've felt more than any other damn feeling I've dealt with. You make me feel shit I didn't think I could feel," his voice rose and he managed to get through all of it without slurring even a little.
"Why can't you love me? What does that even mean." I couldn't react to what he said. I knew if I took it all in I wouldn't be able to stop myself from running back to him. I needed answers first.
"Danny." His shook his head toward the floor and his messy black hair fell forward encompassing his face. "Fucking Danny. He said if I kept going around you, he would hurt you worse than he already had. He's a psychopath, Ari, he would've killed you. He already almost did. I couldn't lose you like that. I can't lose you like that."
A disgusting chill ran through my body at the thought of what Danny had done to me. How he'd touched me. I wished he had killed me in that moment. I lost my innocence against my will three years ago and I can't ever get it back. He left me for dead and still never got punished for it.
"He brought it up again tonight and that's when I threw the first punch." Jace's voice was harsh. "So no Ari, I can't love you. It'll get you killed."
I didn't know what to say. My legs felt numb beneath me and I sat on the floor. I pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged them. I was never going to be able to be free from Danny. He ruined my life back then and won't stop. I'll never be able to be happy. It's not fucking fair.
The fucking cops in this town were under his thumb. I can't even just leave somewhere else. He'd find me. I was his play thing and he said he'd chase me wherever I went. With his money he'd control and buy anyone that could help me.
"Jace," I finally croaked and looked up at him to find him playing with the strings of his grey hoodie. His eyes immediately shot down to meet mine. "I love you. I can't stop and I don't want to lose you. Please, please don't let Danny break us apart. He will always be in my shadow. You being with me won't change that. I love you. I love you so much, Jace. Please." I sobbed. "You're all I have."
He inhaled deeply and shut his eyes for what had to be the hundredth time tonight. He was quiet. Overthinking things. The silence was almost too much.
"Fuck it," he suddenly mumbled and darted to kneel in front of me. His delicate but large hands grabbed my cheeks and crashed my lips against his. At first I was too shocked to do anything but my body and brain finally decided to communicate and I kissed him back fervently. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him as close as I could get him.
He tasted like nicotine, liquor and slightly metallic from his previously bleeding lips. In that moment the taste was my favorite flavor simply because it was his.