Tansgender Shit

I Feel So Broken

Well I was always the happy go lucky kid at school I had friends, I had a mom and a dad that loved me, I have a little brother who I don't hate as much as I say, I lived a pretty normal life. But I always knew that something about me was off. As little kids we usually role play with our friends as stupid shit like animals, we would crawl around and act dumb and silly, we had a "family" with a mom and a dad and they would have kids. I'm sure everyone at some point has done something like this as kids. So when it came to chosing roles I always wanted to be the dad.. I enjoyed it I just thought it was normal. When I started growing up and getting out of the silly games I still felt more comfortable in guys clothing, and playing in the mud and when I  hungout with the guys I felt more comfortable. My mom always called me a tom boy, so did my dad. I had this one friend who I hung out with all the time we lived across the street from each other he was my best friend I have known him from walking to school and we just clicked and for 3 years we hung out almost everyday. I also had this other friend who I've known since I was born we were very close we stayed from for 9 years. But one day I come home from school and my world started to change and very fast my parents were splitting up and we where moving far away from all my friends. I was just realizing I was different at that time and I needed my 2 best friends but I was going to lose them forever and I couldn't do anything because I was a kid. 4 months later I get to tell my friends I'm moving everyone was sad, not as sad as me I had lots of friends I hated my mom for doing this to me. Let's fast forward a few years and it's now 2015 when I moved I was 9 now I am 12 years old and holy cap am I a tom boy I wear jeans and hoodies in 30° plus weather. I hate p.e I just thought it was because I sick at it so I joined the basketball team to try and get out of that.. it didn't last I hated it. When I ran I was so scared people would judge me for how I looked because I hated my body because  I hated my body. I was so confused with what was wrong with me I was depressed and sad 24/7. I told myself to sick it up and don't be a wus and go be happy so I put on a smile and played that I was happy. Even my mom didn't know that I felt so sad and done with life because I came home smiling and "happy" the joy in my life was my pet, a ferret I got for my birthday he was the best. That didn't last. Let's go to grade 7 now I'm now 13 years old and it's around mothers day ferret has been getting sicker and sicker by the day so when I get a call I knew we needed to put him down I hate the month of May now because even 4 years after it hurts so bad. Anyways after that I was in my dark pit of help hate and depression again and I didn't want to do anything I stopped eating a lot and my mom knew something was wrong but I wouldn't talk to her I wouldn't talk to anyone but my favorite teacher. She helped me a lot threw this. Threw grade 7 until 9 I was sad. Until one day I was on my phone watching YouTube when I saw something on Transgender so I clicked it and it was a info video. I listened and commented in my head on all the points... "hey that sounds like me" I then began reaserch on it and saw that all of it sounded like me. I kept it hidden till now. It's 2019 I told my family I was Gay in 2018 and they were cool. Then it was Halloween 2o18 and I dressed up as a boy and told my mom a week before so she knew already and was so happy I came out. But, my dad that's a hole story on its own.