It's been days since I got the news. And though I'm expecting it, up until now, I'm still stunned. . .
T'was three days ago, since I came over that place. The rooms are all painted in white. And so as the doors and ceilings. And though the place seems to be crowded, still I find it empty. It was as if I am alone in a sea of nothingness. I can hear painful outbursts and even clanging of metals. Women in white uniforms are passing by every moment and their murmurings together with all the other noises are reverberrating throughout the whole place. I've already been here for several times, but there's still this undeniable fear in me everytime I set foot here.
With heavy steps, I went at the front desk. I greeted the lady there whose name is Lyd.
"Good morning Nurse Lyd." She raised her head and her face lit up soon as she saw me. I don't know her exact age but I think she's on her mid-20s.
"It's you Ms. Sebastian!" she addressed me.
"I've already told you a hundred times, It's Nel" I corrected her with a smile as I lean forward the desk.
"Yeah, yeah.. Nel it is. Up here for Dr. Gonzales?" I just nodded in return.
"Great! Come! Let me accompany you."
We've walked through the white-painted walls of the medium-sized corridor. Lyd is on her usual bubbly self. She always had lots of stories to tell. We stopped in front of a white door with a signage-- Dustin Gonzales M.D.
She lead me towards a receiving room, and instructed me to wait. "Dr. Gonzales still has a patient. I'll be going by now. If you need anything, I'll be just right at the front desk." Then the moment after, she was gone.
I've roamed my eyes around the receiving room I'm in. Green venetian blinds, a wooden table with intricate designs atop with fresh white and pink roses, and a cream-colored couch are what's in sight. It looks homey, a great irony of the emptiness outside. Tic-toc . . . tic-toc. . .
Half an hour had passed and still I'm sitting here with my pounding heart that seems to palpitate even more each minute that passes by. Lots of thoughts occupy my mind. A whirlpool of what if's is creating a chaos within it.
I was disturbed from my deep thinking as Dr. Gonzales together with his patient move out from the room in my side. "Ms. Sebastian, my appology. Was I too long?" I meaningfully smiled at him and said, "Am i to answer that truthfully?" The woman, his patient, who was I think is on her late 30's or early 40's laugh unknowingly as she bid her farewell.
"Ah.. You never did change you silly little angel," Dr. Gonzales playfully snap back at me. I just shrugged my shoulders as response.
Ive known him long before. Dustin. We're great friends though he was older than I am, but still he's young for a doctor. Dustin's just 28. Nine years ahead mine.
He lead me to the room they're from. And the unbearable fear I had forget for a while rose back to life and was even doubled. As he sat back on his chair, his usual light expression was gone. T'was replaced with seriousness I seldom see.
"Have a seat Nel." and so i did. I am well aware that i am already growing pale. My soul's almost leaving me.
"Nel.." Dustin broke the silence. I glance at him and this time, it's no longer my friend but the doctor. His voice is low yet it's giving me chills.
"I know you hate suspense so i'll go straight. It's RHD. Rheumatic Heart Disease. Chronic. Its a disease caused by gruop A streptococi bacteria that damages the valves of the heart. On your case, your mitral valve is already wounded and swelling. The inflammation is the cause of your sudden attacks. Nel... I advise you a surgery. Prosthetic Valve replacement . . . ."
He kept on talking but its no longer entering my system. RHD... Chronic... Surgery... I-im si-sick? Ha-ha. Why on earth do I have this? I want to think this is just a dream. A dream i can escape soon as I woke up. But I know it's not. I can feel nothing. Not even the excruciating pain Im bearing a while ago. Numbness is empowering my being. Why? Why me? I silently kept asking. My breathing becomes rugged as my vision gets blurred. Tears started to rolled down my cheeks. One after the other and soon it became a river-like duct.
I want an escape, so I run. I run out of the room not minding Dustin's every call. I run. I run out of that empty place. I kept on running... I run for my life!
I'm expecting this, yet... I'm still stunned!
