Life in the Perspective of a Toy Girl

Chapter 1 (Introduction)

My name is Autumn. It's nothing too fancy; a very casual name, in fact. I like my name. It's special because it's also the name of a season, but then again, that makes it a bit unoriginal. It's nice though. Hearing humans say it makes it sound new, exciting, and fresh. It's fun to hear the people say it.

The season of Autumn starts tomorrow. Since Autumn is also my name, the time being the season Autumn usually means very good things. My depression lightens up during the season Autumn. But then I get anxiety, and I become very expectant of things that have almost no chance of happening, and then I get very depressed when they don't occur and Autumn ends. This happens every year, all of the time. Even when it is not Autumn. This year I am super-excited for Autumn, for another chance at my biggest wish to come true. Even though it probably won't come true and I will become very depressed later, it's good feel good while it lasts.

I wish I was a human. That is because I am a toy; a toy girl. I don't like to consider myself a "doll". I heard the human girl say it once and then pick up some toys that were girls dressed in beautiful dresses. But I'm not a beautiful toy, so I mustn't be a doll. I don't like being un-beautiful though. It makes me feel even more lonely. If I was a human, I'm sure people would like me even if I wasn't beautiful. I would be happy.

But sadly, I'm not a human. If I was human I could at least have a family and people who love me. I would have the freedom and capability to do millions of things. Sure, being a toy, you don't need to sleep, eat, or use the bathroom, and sure you don't get sick. But being a toy, you have nothing- no family, no friends, no past, no one who loves you. I am always sad and lonely. The only thing you have is emotions and limited knowledge. Both of which are a curse to me.

But I don't think I'm the only one in the world who is lonely. The girl who's room I live in- Irine- seems to also be depressed and lonely. At least, that's what it looks like. Irine is 13 years old. I remember her turning 13. I even remember her turning 5, because it was the same day I came into existence.

Her life had a lot of up's and down's. There were times when she was happy, when she was still smiling after she fell asleep, and she danced around her room laughing to herself. There were also times when she was depressed, when she would listen to sad music and stare at objects for hours, looking concerned and emotional. Recently, it looks like she has been very depressed. It makes me very sad to see her sad. I wish I could help her in someway. But it would probably scare her to see a toy moving and talking, I would probably be scared too.

But Irine and I- we feel the same. Our emotions seem very similar. If only I was a human she could see how much we have in common, and we wouldn't be lonely anymore. But that can't happen yet. I believe that I am a cursed toy, and the curse has set some sort of un-breakable wall in between us, there is an invisible force that separates our worlds. The force is something I want to break. All these years I have been searching for a way to break the force or "curse", and maybe this Autumn I will have a chance. It is completely un-logical and scientifically impossible, but sometimes I feel like there is another good force pushing against this evil force. The rare occasions when the loneliness leaves me and there is the presence of something greater, something strong and spiritual that takes its place.