The Weight. (Shawn Mendes Smut)

The Weight.

I missed him. I missed him so much. I know I've hurt him, and I'm a real bitch because of that, but I really did think I was happier without him. All the hate, the constant struggle of keeping his fans happy, the tour dates, I just couldn't do it. If we weren't fighting about the hate I was getting, we were fighting about him being away too long. He was living his dream while I stayed alone at home, and I didn't see the point in that at the time.

I remember it so vividly, like it was yesterday. The day I left him. His eyes red and filled with tears that haven't fell yet. The cracking in his voice as he told me we could work it out. I broke down, I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I'd be happier without him, and I was for a little bit.

After maybe a week or 2, my pride was still in the way. I didn't want to go back, I thought I had made a good decision. I hadn't heard of him an he hadn't heard of me. I was so positive that he didn't care, that he was on tour living his life and that it was only fair that I lived mine to.

I'm sure he'd heard of my boyfriend though. That's who I left him for. I knew him well, he was a childhood friend of Shawn's. He was like a brother to me, so I thought why not. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. I'd make him jealous and he'd see what he should've fought for. Plus I thought R/G/N was nice at the time, and he still is but, it didn't take long for me to figure out it's not what I wanted. He may be perfect for someone else but not for me.

That's what brings me here now. At Shawn's doorstep. It's been 3 months, And I already want him back. Call me crazy, call me stupid, cause I really am both.

I stood there. Maybe 5 whole minutes. I was trying to gain control, composure. Going over what I should say, what I hoped he would say. I raised my fist to knock. Deep breaths. I finally knocked about 5 times. No answer. He had to be here, his car was. I looked over making sure it was his car I saw. Oh the things we did in there. I heard a door open, and turned to meet his face. My heart was beating way too fast. I thought I was going to pass out. He was wearing this gray striped flannel, with a tight black tshirt. He knew I loved that shirt on him, cause it really complimented his arms, and black on him was just mouth watering.

His eyes widened when his eyes met mine. I gave a weak smile. "Hi", I sighed.

"Hi", he said, more like a question.

We stood there, taking each other in.

"May I come in?", I asked.

He nodded and stepped aside, making room for me to walk past.

I heard the door shut, and turned around to meet his gaze already on me.

"What's up?", He asked. Not like a "hows it been going" what's up, but a "so why are you here?" what's up.

"Well...I think I'll just go straight to the point. I m-".

"Miss me? Cause if that's what you're going to say...I don't miss you". He lied.

I kind of felt relieved, cause I knew he was lieing. I knew him like the back of my hand. He lies when rubs the pad of his finger against his nose. It's pretty weird, but I'm glad I knew what it meant in this situation.

"I know you don't," I lied, " I just came over to let you know that I miss you, and maybe you'd give me a chance to explain everything?".

He sighed deeply, pointing to the kitchen. I took a seat at the table, and he took one across from me. He laid back, crossing his arms over his chest. Holy fuck his arms.

"Well, I didn't know I'd actually make it this far in, so I didn't exactly make a speech", I chuckled. He just stared at me, face emotionless.

"Alrighty then. Well..I don't even know where to start. You know why I left right?" He nodded.

"Well honestly, I'd think you'd understand", I shrugged.

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh I do. What I don't understand is why you left me for my bestfriend. That's where you lost my trust". He was already breathing pretty heavily, the very thought pissing him off.

Well I guess he has heard. I expected him to. "I know I did. I'm so sorry. It's just, you were always gone, and there's no telling what you were doing out there. You could've be-".

He shot up and swiped the table clean of pizza boxes and soda cans so fast, I flinched, thinking he was going to got me.

"DONT. YOU DARE! YOU KNOW I WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO YOU. I HELPED YOU THROUGH HATE, WHEN I WAS HERE I TRIED TO GIVE YOU ALL THE LOVE I COULD. I GAVE YOU ALL OF ME, AND YOU SHUT ME OUT AND LEFT ME. SO DONT YOU DARE SAY YOU THOUGHT I CHEATED ON YOU!".

I'm sure the whole neighborhood could hear him. His face was red, a throbbing vein prominent in his neck. I was speechless.

"Just go", he whispered looking down.

"Shawn, I didn't come here for a screaming match. If you don't want me here, if you're happy without me, that's fine. I'll be fine", I chuckled. I got out of seat and walked towards the front door. "You're lieing". He smirked. I stopped walking, to turn to look at him.

"I know you. You're lieing." He looked up and turned to look at me.

"Well do you really expect me to be fine?"

"Do you expect me to be fine?" He asked.

I shook my head. He turned back around, picking of everything that he threw off the table. "So you expect me to take you back? You come back, wanting me to stay, even when you told me you were happier without me, and you want me to take you back?".

"...yeah. I do".

" I can't ". he said shaking his head. "Knowing you're with him, I can't even look at you without the memories hitting me hard as hell. I can't handle the weight. I just can't do it", he said throwing the things he threw away.

I walked up, his back still facing me. I carefully wrapped my arms around his waist. So careful, like I was afraid he'd break. I laid my head on his back. I felt him relax a little.

"If you'd just let me prove to you that I made a huge mistake, and that my sorrys are sincere, I'll leave. I won't come back, I'll leave you be".

He turned around to face me.

"Please?" I whispered.

He nodded slowly. I took his hand and led him upstairs. I opened the door to his room. Leading him in, I heard him shut the door, and lock it.

OKKKKAAAYYYYY. WHEW😅. Alright, well that was shitty. The smut part will come sooner than later ya horny bastards. Just let me know what you think of this yeah?☺️

Xoxo