Jonathan: A Fanfiction Novel

October 24

"It's been four days," I tell Dr. Nari anxiously.

"He's upset, Jonathan," she says gently.

"Why? He must have known this would happen, he knows the rules!" I argue. I wish I could argue with him, but it's like talking to a wall. Take the camera away, and that's exactly what I've been doing.

"All you can do is give him time," she shakes her head in a sympathetic manner, but it doesn't feel like it.

"I don't get it. Why can't he just talk to me and we'll try to talk it out?" I huff. More than that, what if he runs into someone and doesn't tell me? It would be awkward for everyone.

"You're different people, Jonathan. He's going to react differently than you. Where you want to talk, he wants to be alone. I know you miss him. I know you probably want to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him, but you can't... So, let's talk about you instead. How is work?"

"I mean, it's great, but they want me to work full time, which isn't," I shrug.

"That sounds like it's great to me," Dr. Nari says.

"No, it's not, because I can't," I huff. Sometimes she says exactly what I need to hear, and I feel that she's the only one that understands the situation; Other times, like now, not so much.

"They recognize your talent, though. I warned you, Jonathan, that it would be difficult to pursue a career, but you and your brother both, are so driven by your passions and ambitions... I know that you're worried about him, and that you miss him. Don't think of the distance as a bad thing. Look at it like an opportunity to grow, a chance to explore your life separate from his."

I try to make sense of the everything Dr. Nari said on the way home. Some part of me wishes I could explore my life apart from my brother, but I know I can't. We don't have that kind of freedom, even if John is wishing for it right now.

There's a girl on the bus who keeps looking in my direction, which I notice out of the corner of my eye. I look down at the floor. She's got her feet on a skateboard and one of her shoes is untied, but it looks like a stylistic choice. A French lesson is playing, but I'm so distracted I don't notice it.

I look up at the girl, only to find her glaring at me. I wonder if she's met my brother.

Votre chaussure n'est pas attachée, I think as I catch her eye one last time before getting off. Your shoe's untied.

At home, I make myself and John the very last of the chicken and put it in the fridge for him, as always. Just because he's mad at me, doesn't mean that I will shirk my duties. It's irresponsible, and not fair to him, no matter how mad he is at me. We still need to live functional lives.

"I paid the electric bill," I tell John before bed. "The laundry is piling up again. I guess I could do it... Dr. Nari said not to be upset that you won't talk to me, that you need space, and that I can 'explore my life without yours,' but I don't understand, because we don't have that luxury. We have to communicate John, that's the only way this works. You can't just leave me in the dark."