»Mais nous ne faisons plus l'amour, nous n'essayons même pas de changer. Dis-moi comment ça se passe, ça reste jamais pareil?«
»But we're not making love no more We're not even trying to change Tell me how it slips away Does it ever stay the same?«
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Present
"DeVanté, I-"
"Look, Carmen. You don't have to say yes, just please think this through. I'm not the same man that I was back in the day, I've changed. There's been an empty ass space in my heart, because you're not here to fill it. I've been missing you a lot, babygirl. If you say yes, you'll make me the happiest man in the world. If you say no, then I hope you have a blessed life, and sorry for bothering you. I won't rush you, take all the time you need. You can ask Diane, Olivia, Junior, Julien, or anyone for my number. Until then, I hope I can see you again, I love you." DeVanté said, giving me a kiss on the cheek. He left me standing there in awe. DeVanté's words opened up a part of my heart that I didn't know existed. Half of me wants to say yes, and trust him not to hurt me, but the other half reminded me of the scars DeVanté left on my body. Physically scars that have never healed. At this point of my life, I didn't know what to do...
°
"He asked you to what!" My therapist shouted in what seemed to be excitement.
"Yes, hedid. Thething is, Istilllove him. AndIreallyamconsideringusgettingmarriedagain."
"Then, what's the problem? Call him and tell him yes."
"See, here'stheproblem..."
°
January 16, 1997
"Happy birthday, Carmen!" Timbaland, Magoo, Missy, Ginuwine, Static, and the rest shouted. I blew out my candles and smiled. I decided to have a small party in the studio where there was only cake and a huge bottle of coke present. I'm not going to eat and or drink those though, I'm trying to stay fit. It's been four days since I've seen DeVanté and my babies, and I do miss my kids, but time apart is needed. And no, I didn't want to leave my kids alone with their father, but their daddy needs to learn respect.
"Thank you guys, I love y'all." We got into a group huge and I pulled out a cutting knife. "Now, who wants cake?"
"Me!" Everyone yelled, holding out their plates. I carefully cut an even slice for everyone and licked some frosting that landed on my finger. While everyone enjoyed their cake, I sat on the studio couch and thought for a moment. Was it wrong for me to up and leave them like that? Maybe I should go back. Yes, DeVanté is still a piece of shit in my book, but it's the kids that I'm worried about.
