Selfish [YVES]

chap. four - the incident

"fuck," you whispered out. "so much fuck."

you had stood outside their apartment building, not bothering to go in, because you knew what you were going to do.

even if it was such a bad idea.

sooyoung and jiwoo lived together, you knew this because they always went home together and talked about things that life partners would always talk about, like groceries and shit. you also knew that jiwoo was probably not home. and if she was not, you were to excuse yourself and walk home, not engage with sooyoung any longer.

the walk from your complex to the couples was close to fifteen minutes, it didn't bother you and it had cost less money than getting driven. you had not forgotten to ogle the nice exterior and think about how much more money sooyoung made than you. of course a model made more than an overworked manager for a hole-in-the-wall coffee shop.

the process of getting to their apartment was awkward, you had felt somewhat like a criminal as you were asking for approval to get to their apartment. the doorkeeper probably didn't even trust you and was questioning why the hell you were trying to get in so late at night.

and now, there was no backing out, since you'd look way to suspicious. you knocked.

it was about two minutes before the door was opened and you immediately felt guilty when you saw sooyoung, looking sleepy and annoyed that she'd been awoken from her beauty rest.

"y/n?" she croaked, making you feel even more guilty. "what's up? is something wrong?"

you took a step inside and breathed through your mouth. "yeah, there is. i have to tell you something."

sooyoung's face balled up as she moved out of the way, making her way to her sofa. "close the door and come sit."

you felt as if there were 50 ton weights placed on your ankles and the way you moved made it look that way, too. it was if every second had slowed down to minutes upon minutes.

should you even be doing this right now?

sooyoung's voice was cautious: "i'm glad you came to me, but worried that you had to come so suddenly and so late at night. what's bothering you?"

"it's you."

fuck, that's not how you wanted to start this conversation.

"sorry, no," you pulled at your hair, laughing in an awkward, uncomfortable way. "it's not you, per say. it's your relationship."

sooyoung's caring and kind expression was gone — replaced by an equally confused and offended one.

"i mean, i just think that if you're not happy, why do you stay with her? there are other people who can make you happy!" you gestures around the room, like a perfect example was supposed to magically appear and prove your point.

sooyoung was visibly stunned. "i don't know what you're talking about. me and jiwoo are perfectly happy."

you scoffed. "oh really? then where is she right now?"

the woman in question crossed her arms, obviously on guard and ready to defend her girlfriend as well as hersel. this was not going the way you wanted it to, but hell, if this was the only way you were going to get your feelings out, then so be it.

"she's at jungeun's. but that doesn't mean anything. this will blow over in a few days and we'll be fine again, okay? i appreciate your concern, but i'm happy. she treats me right, and i can't think of anyone that would treat me better."

that's when it happened.

the seconds slowed again as you moved closer to her, as you placed both your hands on the sides of her head, as you erased the gap in between the both of you.

it was four seconds of complete bliss, until you were shoved off.

and reality set in all too quickly.

"y/n, what the hell? how dare you?" sooyoung's voice was loud and angry, and god, you wanted to sob so hard.

"no, i'm sorry," you stood all too quickly, you made yourself dizzy. "sorry, sooyoung, please let me explain!"

"get out! get out of my house!" she pointed towards the door, not even looking at you. all the lost time suddenly came rushing back to you, and in tears, you made your exit.

fuck. so much fuck.