About my life, I guess

Happy day

So Easter was fucking amazing. I seriously don't know why or how I'm so happy and full of energy all of a sudden. I know it can just abruptly end, maybe I'll wake up hating myself tomorrow, but I'm making everything I can of it right now, just enjoying.
So, what happened?
Not much, actually.
Woke up this morning, went into the kitchen and found loads of chocolate and other candy there. As expected, it's Easter. So I started the day early, with an amazing breakfast.
Then just spent a while sitting, listening to music, petting my cats... Usually I'll feel lonely in these situations, but I enjoyed every second of it.
Went to the stable in the early afternoon with Yuki, we found my horse, Shy, lying down in the straw. Just sat there for a while and cuddled while he almost fell asleep repeatedly. When he finally decided to get up, we went for a hack/walk, meaning Yuki sat on Shy without a saddle or anything and I walked beside them. Shy behaved like an angel and I'm so so proud of him. It all just went so well.
Was at Alice's place later, they had quite a few people over to grill, including two other friends that I'll call Bolzki and Marble. From there, everything that makes this day so special to me, is just a list of actually quite normal moments.
Sitting together and holding our marshmallows into a fire with way too short sticks.
Messing around with the cat, sitting in the grass, talking, making flower crowns.
Having open conversations with these three absolutely amazing people, about everything from sexuality over mental health to clothing style, sprinkled with some occasional compliment rounds.
Walking through the village to the train station at night.
The train ride when everything was dark out.
How everything was calm and quiet when I was on my way back home from the train station.
I was getting used to experiencing only half of everything, either due to the medication or me dissociating so much. Or at least not getting any enjoyment out of anything.
I did dissociate at one point, when everything was getting a bit much, but it wasn't that bad at all and it went over pretty fast.
I. Enjoyed. Every. Minute. Of. This. Day.
This feels so fucking crazy, I'm so not used to it.
Also, today is the first day of this year where it's warm enough for me to sleep out on the balcony again. I'm sitting out here, wrapped in my blanket, my cat's sleeping next to me. I can see the stars, the sky is beautiful.
The only thing that keeps this day from being perfect, is not getting to spend time with him. Ash is currently sick and from time to time, my completely overemotional self gets completely overwhelmed with how much I miss him. Yesterday my knees gave in and I sat on the floor gasping for air and crying at the thought of not knowing when I'll see him again. I know that this is NOT normal or healthy behavior, I am not mentally well and struggle to regulate my emotions.
I can handle it right now. I'm not thinking about when I'm gonna see him again, I'm just keeping in my mind that I'm gonna see him again, that he'll be fine, that love won't just vanish when you don't see someone for a while.

Listening to: Thinking About You by Rival