Unspoken words

What matters..?

moment living in: A dark blue starry night .. lying down on a dark  green fresh  grass, staring at the sky... admiring its depth.. having the thought in mind of the characters rose and jack who were waiting for the death on a similar night like this..

i can never imagine of .. what place do i have on this earth.. whats my worth.. or whats the purpose of this life. do i have to become a really good architect ..? is that what i have to do? or do i have to serve my family the best.. be a really good person for them and stand by them.. focus on that..? but more than that.. there is still so much in life that i dont know. i know nothing in this world, about this world.. not 0.1 percent of it i know. THE WORLD.. is like a one big word..a very huge word.. where im no where..that makes me feel so small of myself... and that makes me go cold nerve all the time... i feel so scared with every breath i take ..what will i do ..i know nothing..

   everyone around me ..who are these people..? why do they talk to me? why do i have to socialise ?  is this important.. do i really have to get to know everyone.. is that how it works..? there are several times in my head where i feel that im from a  totally different world.. and i dont belong here.. but .. but then im here .. right here in front of everyone.. and why?   why? why? why? ughhh so much frustration .. so many conversations running through mind.. what she said.. what he said.. why this .. why that.. is this what i have to do.. no wait.. what if its wrong . i think i should do this.. maybe i shouldnt talk to him.. maybe i should.. may be this will work .. maybe it wont.. what if it doesnt.. STOP! STOP! JUST STOP! JUST STOP! 

calm down ....take a deeeep breath.. breathe in. breathe out. calm .

first thing.. who am i? doesnt matter.. rich, poor, dumb, smart, doesnt matter..

who do i have to be in this world?.. doesnt matter.. good architect ? NO. good family woman? NO.

doesnt matter if i socialize or not .. doesnt matter if i speak up or not.. doesnt matter if it works or not.. DOESNT MATTER!

what i should have?  is a good heart and a soul.. thats it.. and with that what i have to be?  is a jovial person. thats what ACTUALLY MATTERS..

if i feel happy to work and succeed .. ill do it..! if im happy talking to him.. ill do it. if im happy doing anything in this world.. with good heart ill do it.. ill do whatever i have to do for myself.. for myself to be happy.. it doesnt matter to me if it doesnt work.. it wont work.. it has to and thats how ill learn.. learn myself to hold up in every circumstance..and start again.. i can fall.. i can ..and thats how ill learn to get up and run. ..run faster than before..

and when it comes to what i know and what i dont.. let me make this very clear.. i dont really have to care about any other thing is this world apart from what matters to me and what makes me happy with a good heart.. i dont have to know.. and i dont wanna know.. im all fine by myself.. thankyou sir..:3

and now in the end thats what a good heart should feel like ..

back in the moment: gets up from the grass.. runs back to my home.. and happily joins for a good dinner with them.. ;)