It's been 3 days since I have been stuck out here. It's strange, dark and cold wind blows my hair back, I can't believe I didn't get a haircut before this trip. I always wondered how this would feel. They had been just thoughts though, thoughts that I would never want to come true. The first 10 minutes had been excruciating tough wondering what will happen for next 10. I remember her too the way I saw your hair float and glisten in the summer sun. Moments before she went on I had the feeling she never left. Joey Badass lyrics play in my head " no one ever really dies your presence is still alive." In these moments alone I think about presence being alive. I haven't talked to anyone in 3 days not even remotely close to seeing a person, maybe a couple birds. So the fact of death and life of others was the same to me. I religious so I do have a feeling of them being here with me. I have talked to them, they don't say anything but I know they hear me. I have been sad, happy, terrified and delighted and I of course find happiness to be the best. I see my attitude toward things can always be positive but sometimes I may feel sad. Whatever. It is what it is, right? This world is so fucked I can see plastic everywhere and I'm nowhere. But for now I will keep floating praying to this unknown God I hope I can meet one day, not soon though.
