My log of life

Day 2

We make our way back home
The bird stays silent all the way
Until you have to leave
Then she builds pressure behind my eyes

You have to stay behind
I can't help that
And I'm all alone
With the bird leading the way

She leashes me close
So I can't wander off
As we go she chants in the forest
"Why did you do that, why should I care."

She is dragging me along
I want to go back
To happier times, better rhymes
That was just hours ago

Golden hour comes
And with it comes distraction
I make temporary pastime 
For the time being

I ignore reality with the pictures
I ignore the things she says
I escape the questions the bird asks
Like "what does she believe of you"

The cardinals scream is more of a chirp
It's more of a soft squeak
But it's not the pitch, no not at all
It's the fact that it's constant

Then she stops
She sits on my shoulder
And sings a sorry
Full of lies and insults

I think about the bird
And all of her terrible ways
And how I don't want to be like her
Of how I want to be free

She is loud, so I'm quiet
She is truthful, so I'm a lier
She is an asset, so I'm a disgrace
She is open, so I'm closed

Then the dark of night is here
It swallows the woods
Like I swallow my words
Like I bite my tongue

I have to think of our route 
When its usually easy
I've never been out this late
Then the lights come

The red flashing of the birds
Hundreds of them coming
To torture those who disobey
The curfew and rules

The rules of stupidity
The rules that say we can't love
The rules that say "no doing this"
And "no doing that"

But we do it anyway
I love you
You love me
The pressure is building

You don't have a cardinal
Digging at your back
Controlling what you do
What if I'm the little red bird

I'm the thing sucking out your soul
I'm the being that's hurting
I'm the torturer
I'm the beast

I hate her
So maybe you hate me
Maybe I should fly away
Maybe I should say goodbye

So I tell you I'm sorry
For a the pain
For all the suffering
That I might have caused

That's what my bird did
I didn't believe her
Maybe you don't believe me
Maybe I just hurt you more

I'm turning into her
I'm growing my feathers
And learning to fly
I've always wanted wings