Night time thoughts

Remember

I remember you sitting in the small bus seat of our childhood. Golden hair draped across your shoulders and floating in front of your face, moved by the small breeze coming from the slight crack of the window. You sat with you knees pressed against the seat back in-front of you, pushing like your small bones barely made the distance that now feels like nothing in our adolescent bodies. I remember him sitting across from us, we would sit together until your sun like head would appear on the steps and I pushed him away so that I could sit next to you instead. The trio of my childhood. Looking at each other with large smiles and bright eyes, unaware of what our future would bring for our blossoming friend ship. Our lips moving in sync with the songs or sometimes belting out every lyric, not caring if we were on key for we didn't know what that was. We could sing every song perfectly no matter the genre because the small town radios station didn't seem to want to play anything else.
The sun shining through the mud splattered windows fragments the image of you, young and smiling yet broken in places although foreshadowing the depression now swirling in your mind. When we were small I swore to you that you and I would always be best friends, pinky fingers locked together and identical smiles stretched on our lips we walked into middle school without fear. I should have been more carful with you. Should have learned to cradle you in my arms preciously for you are my most loved friend. I'm sorry my juvenile mind could not yet wrap around the idea of being sad for no reason even though we both had the ugly shadow of anxiety and depression wrapping its scaring claws around our throats by the time we hit 6th grade. I'm sorry my sweet, that I could not protect you from the dangerous thoughts silently screaming with in your mind. I'm so sorry. I love you and although I miss my small unbroken friend deeply i love you now too. With your sharp edges, mended together in midnight hours with shaky hands, you are a beautiful stained glass window. No matter how bad you may think you are trust me you are the exact opposite.
I. Love. You!