While Yoongi and I had done nothing but sleep yesterday, the next day was the complete opposite. Unlike last time, he forced me to get out of bed, which I reluctantly did. He also forced me to put on clothes that weren't my pajamas, and then he took me to my backyard. He hadn't told me what he was planning to do, so I was confused. He told me to sit right beside one of my mothers many flower gardens, daisies being the one I choose. I sat with my legs crossed, and he copied my motion. He sat right across from me, not noticing my confused face. After what felt like 10 years of waiting for him to explain, he finally took a deep breath. I sat up a little straighter.
"Alright. Let's get started."
"Wha-"
"What makes you happy?"
"Hold up. What do you mean?"
"Well, I said I was going to help you didn't I? So answer my question."
"But what does your question have to do with helping me?"
"Don't question me. I'm using it from previous experience. Stop asking me so many questions and just answer it."
"Ok.."
I pondered his question for a minute. Now that I think about it, what exactly did make me happy? I don't really get out and do much anymore, and I'm not in any clubs. I rested my index finger on my lower lip, a common habit I have when I'm thinking deeply about something. Well, Yoongi makes me happy, but I have a feeling he won't take that as an answer. Taking long walks can normally make me feel happier, and taking long showers. But those answers seem dumb and basic, but what else am I supposed to say?
"Taking long walks, showers, and sitting in the yard while listening to music can normally make me happier. Is that good enough?"
He thought about it for a moment. "I suppose that is enough information to be able to help. Can you explain why those things make you happy? They seem awfully simple for a girl, but that's just my opinion. Most girls I know find enjoyment in shopping and going to the beach to find cute guys. So I'm just curious as to why those simple things make you happy?"
I roll my eyes at the statements about most other girls my age. "Well, I can definitely say that I am not like other girls my age. Those common things they like to do make me gag. But as for me, I like taking long walks and showers because it helps me clear my head. I can relax and find some peace within those short periods of time. As for sitting out in the yard, that seems a bit more obvious. Normally on a sunny day, I'll come out here and sit by the flowers, like we are now, and listen to some music. It also helps me relax, while also admiring the beauty of the flowers. It's very serene."
All he does is continue to nod his head. I'm still not exactly sure why he's asking me these questions, even though it's to help me. Even if he wanted to know those things so he could do them with me, I could just do them myself. Him being there would obviously be a bonus, but I don't know just how much of a difference it would make.
"Yoongi, can you please just tell me why you needed to know those things."
He stared deeply into my eyes, and I could tell he was trying to decide if he should tell me or not. Seeing this, I only grew more curious.
"The reason I wanted to know those things is because when I went to therapy for my depression, the woman that worked with me asked me the same questions. She really helped me get better, and I was going to use her techniques. But now..I'm kind of forgetting what they were."
He added a little laugh at the end, and that made me laugh too. It was so sweet of him to do that for me. But not only was I happy, I also became intrigued for what therapy was like for him. The most I ever got to therapy was talking to the unfriendly psychiatrist every once in a while.
I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Yoongi, that is the sweetest thing ever. Even if you can't really remember enough to truly be able to help me, it's nice to know that you're trying."
"Don't worry, I'm going to help you no matter what."
- flashback -
"Mom..I'm so sorry. I'm trying to get better, but I keep getting worse," I say as tears stream down my face. Although my voice was shaky, she understood.
My mother pulled me in for a firm, but loving embrace. I continued to cry, something I rarely did in front of anyone. I didn't feel bad for myself, I felt bad for her.
Because of what I did, I make her live in constant fear.
Because I could do it again.
And she wouldn't know it.
Because she didn't know the first time.
"Honey, it'll all be ok. I know you're facing a lot of problems right now, but I have faith that you will get through them. Even if you thought you couldn't get through them the first time, that just makes you stronger the second time round."
It didn't matter how much I tried to calm down, my voice was still shaky.
"But mom..it feels like nobody is helping me. I can't do it on my own anymore."
She released her grip on me, resting her hands on mine. She admired my soaked face for a few seconds, looking right into my eyes.
"Don't worry, I'm going to help you no matter what."
- end of flashback -
I felt tears spring to the edge of my eyes, but now wasn't the time to cry. I quickly wiped the back of my hands against my eyes, and nodded at him. Mom was right. Even though I wasn't strong enough the first time, that just makes me stronger the second time round.
"Ok..well what do we do now," I asked.
"Well, for now I can't really do anything. But I'm glad you told me those things. I'll have to ask my mom if I can contact my old therapist. Once I talk to her, then I'll know what to do."
He got up quickly, reaching his hands down to help me up. I held my hands in his as he helped lift me up. He gave me a quick hug and kiss on the lips before leaving even quicker. This therapist must of been amazing, since he seems to talk so highly of her. I just hope whatever she did to help him works on me.
It has to.
Oof tOtAlLy didn't get the dramatic crying from anime wHaT aRe yOu tAlKiNg aBoUt. Ok so I couldn't really describe it but picture those dramatic ass anime tears.
Also sorry for a little bit of a shorter chapter.
