Blood Wine

CHAPTER 7

( #Myron )

“Thanks guys, you’ve been a wonderful audience. I won’t be joining you for the second and third set but at least I was here to open up the night, right?”

Audience titters and whistles their approval. Applause goes around. Someone even screams “I love you Mr. Whiplash!” which sends everyone into happy hoots and laughter. 

“Really? If you really love me, you won’t be singing up here during the break alright Jessica? I don't want to go deaf. Or have to deal with sudden rain.”

More laughter from everyone else as the girl Jessica starts to pretend she’s crying, although she's still not wiping that smile off her face. 

“See, the audience agrees with me! But seriously Jessica, I would like to thank you for making me the performer that I am today. As a matter of fact, not just you! A lot of people here have a hand with why I’m on this stage now. If not for the fact that so many of you FUCKING SUCKED in singing the videoke songs here in the pub, I NEVER would have decided to sing those songs for you. So here I am today, singing for you BITCHES and I don’t have to drop in a shitty coin everytime I sing! Heck, I get FUCKING PAID now, even getting a free meal and beer, for not listening to you guys murder the lyrics of my favorite songs! I mean, can't you damn read FUCKFACE? That's 'totaL ecliPSSSe oF the hearrrT', and NOT 'totaaaahhh... ecleee... oh dah harrrrr....' -- WHERE THE HELL ARE YOUR FUCKING CONSONANTS MAN?"

More laughter (some even choking up with it) along with cheers and cat calls. 

"I even have these FUCKING DOUCHEBAGS for a band!" He faces the five piece band members who are already in stitches, "Yeah, I love you guys to bits. Imagine, you get to use MY stage name for your band name? WHAT THE HELL? Don't you have any originality? You call yourself Whiplash BAND as if I fucking want you ASSHOLES RIDING ON MY REP?! You can KISS MY ASS! Some friends you turn out to be FUCKTARDS!" 

The band gives him a drum roll as a response. Along with large doses of guffaws and a sprinkling of cuss words thrown in. Myron grins at them. Back to the audience!

"Yes, no more TORTUROUS long wait for me to get the mic just so I can show some damn SHITFACE drunk how to carry a tune! REALLY guys, THANK YOU EVERYONE for paying ME to perform up here instead of deceiving yourselves thinking that you motherfucking SELF-DELUSIONAL BASTARDS can actually sing! THERE IS A GOD!"

And absolute chaos breaks out -- laughing fits, yells of approval, screams of mirth - along with the applause getting louder and longer! The audience has heard this joke before but they just keep loving it more and more each time he cracks it. Considering he’s not always available to sing for them – and he seems to disappear too much, too often these days – they are happy for whatever he can hand out to them. That includes funny snide remarks, mean-spirited humor and sarcastic jokes, which he is also known for. But more than that, he is known as such a strong and compelling power belter, complete with growls and grates in the right places, that he has been compared to Jon Bon Jovi, Steve Tyler of Aerosmith and Jared Leto. 

Except most find him a whole lot funnier and more good looking than any of the aforementioned singers combined... despite the "Robin" eye mask, which is his signature style. Yes, THAT is the earlier mentioned favored accessory, which when worn with the fedora, makes him mysteriously attractive. Mr. Whiplash has never EVER been onstage without that mask.

“It's an honor to perform for all of you untalented pieces of shit, who love me all these years just because I'm a talented ASSHOLE. So THANK YOU VERY MUCH for being such SUCKY singers… but a real GREAT audience! I owe you guys much. See you around when I see you! Love you all! Good night.”