Grounded

Chapter 9- all for a sunset

WARNING: Many people are likely to find this chapter upsetting, as there are depictions of pain and assault, do not continue reading if you are likely to be affected by these themes.

Wow I am exhausted. Lexa sure knows how to make someone work until they are damn near collapsing. We have been training all day, partly with Lexa and partly with Raven and after this morning, she was definitely excited to get a few punches in.

Everyone else had returned to their tents at least an hour ago but I was determined to stay and watch the sunset, we were never able to watch it from space. I could barely keep my eyes open but it's beauty was definitely worth it, I didn't think beauty like that could exist........apart from Lexa of course. Fuck I can't think like that, she's the fucking commander, and I'm way too plain for her anyway....she would never feel the same.

I barely even realised how dark it had become until I heard a wolf's howl in the distance and realised that I needed to head back, I have to wake early tomorrow and I'll be damned if Anya or Raven come up with a creative way to do it. I carefully stand up and realise how badly I had been injured, I sprained my ankle in the middle of sword fighting with Lexa, and it has already swelled to three times it's size. By now I'm sure my face has many cuts and bruises filling it and I have at least two broken ribs. But I knew not to tell Lexa, she will just worry and want to stop training, and I refuse to look weak in front of her.

I slowly begin to limp back towards TonDC, only just managing to keep my  eyes open and blindly walk into my tent, yawning. I keep my eyes closed, and quickly begin to remove my armour and weapons, allowing them to noisily drop onto the floor, Carefully lift my top over my head, and reach back to undo my boob bindings.

".....Clarke?" I snap my eyes open only to see Lexa standing in front of me with her eyes wide.

Unable to move or even process that I am near enough topless in front of the commander. ".......Lexa? What are you doing in here?"

"Clarke.......you're in my tent", she replies with her eyes wide.

I frantically look around and realise...she's right. How the hell did I manage to walk into the wrong tent? I know our tents are close to eachother but still!

"FUCK", I near enough scream. I quickly grab my top and lift it to cover up my front, instantly bolting straight back out. 

I hear her yell behind me "what about your armour?!"

There is no way in hell I am going back in there right now after basically stripping in front of the commander. So instead I yell back "enjoy your present Heda".

-a few hours later

-LEXA'S POV

I still can't process what happened only a few hours ago. I can't stop thinking about her, fuck what is she doing to me? But her body......when she had begun to undress I saw her scars and bruises, I know many of the bruises will be from training but both her arms and stomach were covered in faded scars, that must have been created at least a year ago. There is one thing that I cannot get out of my head, across the middle of her stomach I had seen scars that together.....read out the word 'worthless'. What the hell has she been through?! Just the thought that she could even think that she is anything less than perfect fills me with an anger that I cannot even begin to explain and I make a mental note to talk to Raven; I have already promised to not ask Clarke until she is ready.

I gather up her armour and weapons and slowly make my way over to her tent, but as I get closer I hear gentle whimpers coming from her tent flap and then......screams. I quickly drop her stuff and sprint into the tent only to find Clarke shaking and screaming.......yet she still seems to be asleep. 

"CLARKE, CLARKE WAKE UP. I'M HERE CLARKE, PLEASE WAKE UP!"

Her eyes bolt open but I know this time to gently hold her down, but still the shaking does not stop.

"It's okay Clarke I'm here, you're safe, you're okay....I'm here "

"Lexa no, he's coming.....he won't stop. He never stops"

I have no idea what she is talking about so I just repeat "I'm here Clarke, you're safe"

"NO LEXA, CAN'T YOU SEE? I'M NEVER SAFE", now she is screaming "HE NEVER FUCKING STOPS"

I hear someone's huried footsteps bolt into the tent behind me and hear Anya's worried voice "what's going on?"

"Bring me Raven", I demand, I remember Clarke saying that Raven had been through this with her, perhaps she knows how to help?

"NO!" we both look down startled, "Raven doesn't need this, I have burdened her enough" she whispers, tears now rolling down her face and I can't help but pull her close to me into a tight hug.

"Just.......please don't tell Raven, I'm okay" she whispers in my arms.

I glance back and say to Anya, "do not tell Raven Anya, leave us and make up an excuse for the shouting......ensure everyone returns to their beds immediately".

I know that Raven should be told, but I do not wish to make Clarke worse right now, so I allow Anya to leave and hear her shouting orders in the distance. Knowing that we are alone, I pull Clarke down to lay on the bed with me, wrapping my arms around her tight, and just allow her to let her emotions flow for as long as she needs.

After at least 10 minutes I feel Clarke's shaking slow to a stop as she slowly sits herself up and looks away from me, she is trying to act strong.

I won't allow her to block me out again, so instead I sit myself up and cup her cheeks, gently wiping away her tears, "talk to me Clarke........you don't need to hide", after awhile of her remaining in silence, just staring into my eyes, confused, she eventually speaks, "walk with me?" 

I nod and stand up from the bed, offering her my hand, she takes it and I pull her up but as soon as she takes her first step she stumbles into me, hissing in pain.

"Clarke what's wrong?" I ask, as I hold her up.

"I sprained it in training", she admits in defeat.

"Why didn't you tell me Clarke?!"

"I didn't want you to worry"

"So why are you still trying to go for a walk?!"

"I can't stay here Lexa.........I see them everywhere."

As I look into her eyes, I can see the hidden pain in them, I want to take it away but.....she can't walk on a sprained ankle, she will just make it worse. Suddenly I get an idea and I smirk.

"Okay then".

She looks at me with a suspicious expression but without wasting anymore time I place one arm around her waist, and reach the other under her legs, sweeping her up into my arms and lifting her bridal style.

"Lexa? What the hell are you doing?! Put me down."

"I am going for a walk Clarke, is that not what you wanted?" I say smirking, but I continue walking forwards, refusing to meet her gaze.

"Yes it is but that also included me walking?"

"I will not allow you to walk on that ankle, and you will not be training tomorrow."

She huffs in defeat and it is clear the mood has risen, become a little more light, so I decide to push my luck a little further.

"And I will be carrying you around everywhere tomorrow, your foot needs time to heal Clarke."

"Hold the fuck up, what? No?! I can walk Lexa I don't want people to think I need help with everything"

"You do not need help Clarke, but you will get it all the same" I can barely control my laughter anymore, "this is not a negotiation Clarke".

I hear her cute little groan, and command myself to keep my expression under control, but I am sure she has noticed the small smile that is twitching at my lips.

"I know a place with a view of the whole woods, would you like to see it?"

"I would have preferred to walk there, but fine.......thank you".