Broken Promises

"I, Adam Carl Mirano, take you, Astraea Jei Alfonso, to be my lawfully wedded wife. I promise to be with you through thick and thin, in joy and sorrow. To hold you up when you're down, to be by your side when no one does. I promise to give you all my love and together in this world, just you and me, and our future children, we will sail every ocean together. I promise to celebrate with you in every success that will come to you. I promise to wipe your tears when you're in pain, I'll strive harder to give you the needs and I'll strive even harder for your happiness. I'll fight with you against the world. And remember this one promise, I won't let you be in pain, and I will always love you as long as we both shall live." 

"I, Astraea Jei Alfonso, take Adam Carl Mirano as my husband and the father of my future children. I promise to hold you, to love and to never let go in any obstacles that may come in our life. I promise to cheer you on your success and be with you in times of failure. I promise to be faithful to you and worthy of your love. I promise to care for you and to always be there through thick and thin. Please always wear this ring as this is the sign of my commitment and eternal love for you, just like it's shape, we won't have an ending. We will sail the world, you and me, and our future children together. I promise that from this day forward, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live." 

My tears fell like a waterfall as our vows of promises flashed through my mind. It was a blissful moment, a pleasure in a lifetime. It was so good and ecstatic but why does it make me feel doleful now? 

I was wondering, what caused our broken promises? Why are we not able to keep them? Why does it feel so helpless and weak? 

How did the undying love die? How does the eternal end? Where is the love that we used to have and the fundamentals of this marriage? Why does it end too soon? We didn't even have the chance to have a kid! I want to know the reasons because clearly, I'm near to completely losing my mind!

Huminto ako sa pagsusuklay ng mahaba kong buhok at tiningnan ang sariling repleksyon sa salamin. 

I'm wearing a red silk dress, but I ain't going to have a good time. I'm wearing make ups not to look pretty, but to hide the depression that shows in my bare face. I let my hair down because I don't have the strength to lift them all and tie them again. I also wear high heels to at least stand tall and be free from the belittling of my own self. I used it all to cover up my feelings because I don't want them to see me weak and forlorn. 

Inilagay ko sa likod ang mahabang buhok ko at inipit ang ilan sa likod ng tainga, pinagmasdan kong muli ang repleksyon ko sa salamin. 

Today, I'll be having marriage counselling with the man who promised to love me as long as we both shall live. He wants an annulment from me, he even asked it on my face! Yung sakit nung sinabi nya sakin 'yon is unbearable, parang kalahati sa akin ang pilit n'yang pinatay. 

Sobrang sakit na isang linggo akong tulala kahit saan ako magpunta. Sa CR, sa sala, sa kuwarto, sa trabaho, sa sasakyan. kaya rin nag decide akong mag cocommute na lang dati dahil muntik pa akong ma-engage sa isang car accident. Maging sa harap ng family at friends ko ay wala ako sa sarili. Iniisip ko kung anong dahilan. Kung bakit niya hinihingi sakin ang bagay na 'yon, hindi na ba siya masaya?

After he asked me that, he also started to show no interest in me. He turned cold to the point that in seconds, I found myself staring at him... confused if he's still my husband. If he's still the Adam I used to love. 

He leaves the house early and comes home super late. Sometimes he reeks mixed alcohol and cigarettes. 

I really don't know what to do! I don't know why it happened and his reason for wanting it. We are okay, as a husband and wife, we were okay. I asked him many times what the reason was but he just wouldn't answer me. I also asked if there's another woman, but he denied it! Wala raw, no other party included, tanging s'ya lang daw. And what's worse than that? It is the short moment of my life where he muttered coldly in a harsh way the words that made my world totally fall apart.