Pink Valley

Chapter 1

I miss the blue skies, the sun beaming on my skin. Feeling free and no one couldn't tell me otherwise.

       Where do I begin with my story of a love so toxic, even through all of the tears, heartache, and pain I just don't understand. I know some things happen for a reason... I feel like I've been dragged by my arms to put up with so much with him. I was so blinded by everything, through all the going back and forth arguing. Over shit that he basically started... All I did was support him with everything he was trying to get or wanted. I helped him when he wanted to get him a new truck, gave him money so he could get it that day... I didn't give a fuck about being broke just to see him happy was everything. I guess the type of love that I have is not good enough for anyone... How I feel now... I not feeling anything... It's just a shrug off the shoulder with this one. The whole thing is out of my hands. I love him so much but the word "Love" shouldn't be used if you don't mean it... We were supposed to get a place to stay together, he wanted to do so much with me and I was excited. I thought finally we're getting somewhere. He was being more open with his feelings (like I said I thought he was). Scary shit... 

   We done had so many long talks about our future and other important things too. My question is why would a person lead another person on like that? The things he says to me sometimes makes me feel useless like I haven't done my job good enough as a girlfriend or something more than that. All the drama that was going around about me and him opened my eyes to a lot of shit that I really didn't know that was going on... 

    Honestly, it sickened me when I think about people that you get close to not defend your name when your not around. These so-called friends that you have don't be there for you like they say. Talk about you behind your back like it means nothing to them. I'll take it back to last year, I just finished my first semester of college and I was working...

   "Aye match sum," Van said walking towards me on the corner. It's crazy how I started smoking this year, ever since I started this job I smoke almost every day now. I'm not going lie I do it because it's fun and of course I see everyone else doing it. "I gotta blunt too," Renee said.

   "God damn y'all some weed heads," I said laughing while lighting up my blunt. I got close to a few people up here, some of them are cool but most of them are some drama monkeys. I just come in and do my job and go home.

"So best friend what are you doing tonight?" Renee asked me.

   "Going home and taking my ass to sleep" I passed the blunt to van, " man that's all you do bruh. You need to be out having some fun instead of being cooped up, up under that nigga." He was referring to Alex. Van need to stop that because everybody knows that he likes me, he's not my type. He done let too many females hit and ya know what comes with that so I'll pass. I didn't say anything and continue smoking.

   Alex and I met at my job but I knew him before that, it's true when they say don't date the person you work with cause drama is right around the corner. See while Alex was flirting with me, he was also flirting with other females in the store. There should have been a red flag waving in my head. He is older than me. I'm 21 and he's 35, but I didn't really pay attention to all that cause I wanted to get to know him for him. We started talking in the summer last year and everything went on from there. He was teaching me things I didn't know and I did the same. Come to think about all of this it really wasn't love... It was just mainly lust in the air. 

   I didn't really introduce myself; My name is Tristian and I'm from the natural state of Arkansas. There's stuff to do here but it's mainly like hunting and being outdoors. I love it actually, some people don't fit in with it but I can. You know that saying where someone says "If only I knew then what I know now". 

I stay with my mom and its only me and her now since my older brother and sister moved to Conway. My father stays not too far from me, we have a weird relationship as father and daughter. When I was born he wasn't really around like he should have been, but he still came through financially. Money doesn't solve your problems and that's what he thought was happening. Yes, I do appreciate him for everything he does but its more to it. I know I have daddy issues that's why I have bad choices in the dudes I encountered with. 

The truth hurts... 

I know this is a short chapter but I have more coming. Vote and Comment!