Is it just life?

Life

"I'm running. I've been running for what feels like forever. My lungs are heavy, my legs are on fire, but oddly enough I'm not tired."

I open my eyes and turn over to shut off my alarm. I sigh, another day. I wonder when my life became this repetitive nothingness. I guess that's life. I get out of bed and begin my morning routine. Turn on shower. Brush teeth. Strip out of my pajamas. Let the water hit my back as I stand there letting the water wake me up. Turn off shower. Dry off. Change. Makeup. Get purse. Leave. Morning commute.

The one thing I like about taking the southbound train downtown is that everyone looks like I do. Tired. Doing the same thing they did the day before. Repetitive nothingness. Train stops. Step off train. Exit station. Walk a block to work building. I wonder if my life would be more exciting if I didn't work in customer service dealing with other people's shit. Actually probably not. Sit at desk. Check emails. Good mornings to coworkers. Same thing over and over again.

"I'm running again. I've been running for what feels like forever. My lungs are heavy, my legs are on fire, but oddly enough I'm not tired. The scene around me is the same-"

I open my eyes and turn over to shut off my alarm.

"Well" I said out loud. "Good thing it's Friday."

The one thing about Friday, is that work ends early. And unlike most days, it's the only day where I can do anything. As cliché as it sounds, the possibilities are endless. As soon as the clock hits 3:00pm. I log out of my computer and wave farewell to my coworkers. I run to catch as the train doors are closing and I make it! I a bit out of breath but who cares? I make it back to my apartment and get ready for tonight. Last week it was ending up at a strip club at 2am, the week before that I was at some guys apartment getting high, another was watching the sunset on the beach. I guess we'll see where my crazy friends take me tonight.

"I'm running again. I've been running for what feels like forever. My lungs are heavy, my legs are on fire, but oddly enough I'm not tired. The scene around me is the same, I'm surrounded by white. I look behind me to see what I'm running from. My eyes get big. I begin to panic. I start to feel tired. NO! Why did I look behind me? If I haven't looked, I would still be running, not feeling tired. Not knowing what I was running from."

I open my eyes and turn over to shut off my alarm. Except it wasn't my alarm. It was my mom calling. Probably annoyed that I'm late to Saturday brunch. I roll over and groan into my pillow. I have the biggest hangover and rather not deal with my mom. I roll over again on to my back, "Fuck". I say out loud, and head to the bathroom.

"It was darkness. All I saw behind me was darkness. That was true nothingness. I feel my legs slowing down, causing the darkness to catch up. No please. PLEASE. I beg over and over. I trip, and fall to my knees. Tears are flowing down my face. There's nothing I can do as the darkness over comes me and I'm surrounded by nothing."

I open my eyes. "I understand." I say out loud. The sun hasn't even come up yet but I get up out of bed. My face it wet with tears as I walk to the balcony. I step outside and look at the horizon. The city is still. Covered in the night. Covered in darkness. This life I built for myself is nothing. I look down and jump off the balcony.