ENTRY 1:
He hasn't bothered me as much anymore. He Doesn't talk. just stands and stares.
ENTRY 2
He's back, I can't stand being alone. I can't sleep, he's stronger and I'm weak. I want to die.
ENTRY 3
I'm in the bathroom, crying. He's the one who told me to cut my hair! I honestly like it. But the girls don't, they yank it everywhere I go.
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She whispers almost too fast for me to comprehend what she is saying. But I know what she wants. What they want. My fingers travel to my mouth, and my lips part. My hand goes down my throat. I taste bile.
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ENTRY 4
I can barley see. Everything is blurry. I had a dream again. That they attacked me. And blinded me with a hot spoon.
ENTRY 5
Going to the mental hospital.
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I stare into the blinding light above my bed, I groan and roll over. I blink twice to get the spots out of my eyes. The clock on the wall reads 5:14 a.m
I throw my feet over the side of my tray -that's what we call the beds here, trays- I open the door. I don't need to steal keys any more, I have my tricks. My feet slap against the cold tile floor, I wander till I find the resting quarters for the nurses. -i know they force the nurses to sleep here. Most hospitals don't do that- I push the large metal door open and tip-toe inside. Kelly, my favorite nurse is still asleep. Their beds are nice and warm. -Not like the trays we're supposed to sleep in.- I don't know how a nice person like Kelly got stuck with us kids.
I inch over to her bed, she looks younger, her own age.
She turns over and smacks her lips. This makes her look so funny that I have to laugh. Realizing the possible consequences of my actions I quickly clap a hand over my mouth. The other nurses don't react in any way, not a noise, not a twitch.
I snake between beds, between rooms. Examining each and every sleeping face. None of them are very interesting, I see the short fat lesser nurse. I poke his cheek with my finger, it comes back dry.
"I guess he only sweats when awake" I laugh.
I see the petit and "wears too much makeup" nurse. She actually is the health nurse. Whenever one of us gets into an accident (which never happens because this place is overprotective) she is the person to go to. I move closer to get a better look of her face. She could use some lipstick, or blush, but she truly is gorgeous. I turn to go back to the main quarters, -where I sleep- When the light catches on something as I close the door. I swing it back open, a mirror!! We aren't allowed to have mirrors -and being a girl, this pisses me off- I guess we Would try to kill ourselves with them..or something like that, So we aren't allowed mirrors. For the first time In a while, I see my reflection. Sure, I've seen it in the metal food bowls and spoons, but there it was all disoriented and warped. Never this clear, I stare at my disheveled blonde hair sticking up at odd angles, my choppy bangs, and lifeless eyes.
I step back, disgusted. I used to be pretty, or so I thought. The light would dance in my eyes like sun on the ocean. I used to be a free wild spirit, not... This.... This broken little girl, standing before me. I remember my flowing long blonde hair, I look down at my arms. Scars already fading. I scowl back at my reflection, my stupid short hair, my ugly stupid eyes, and my ugly stupid scars. And it's all his fault. Blind with rage I storm away from my reflection on the wall and stub my toe on a corner.
