CTRL; ALT & HER

Dream couple: What now?

Present (11/11/2018)

Did you ever felt like your brain is exploding with all sorts of information passing in front of your eyes? Almost like a motorway of memories would had opened and suddenly everything is there, exposed. You can see them all at the same time, but they are all too fast... You can't really touch them...

I feel like that sometimes and it all gets blurry and overwhelming for the one who is sitting down in her bed, with her legs crossed to support the computer on top of her knees and her lazy, good smelly cat sleeping by her side. What are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to leave our life? How can we make the most of it? I still don't know... And I absolutely hate not knowing.

Past (August, 2016)

When we met things were easy. We would be part of one of those funny romances where both people click suddenly and nothing much heroic happens after that, nothing other than two people falling in love. We would be... If only something about us would be that easier. The first time we talk I remember finding her funny. Quite a unique character. One of those "know it all" personalities. Was amusing talking with her, challenging would probably describe it better. She would stand up with strong arguments to discuss why people use online chats nowadays and if she would have the opportunity, she would show off some Latin words in the hope of scaring me to a defeat. I had missed for a while this sort of intellectual wars, I wouldn't give up easily. In fairness, either of us would. We enjoy winning too much and that kept us talking for hours.

That day, I didn't grab her name, her number, her Facebook, Instagram or any other social platform for that matters. We talked, she left and that was it. Do you want to know the best part? I didn't put much tough on it at the time. Was a really intense conversation, addictive even, one of those you can't avoid but navigating all the way through with a smile. I wish I had had more of it, but was nothing I spent my time thinking about. Days or weeks pass. If I am brutally honest, I can't even remember it. It may sound harsh, but the truth is that the best you can hope is not to have any hope at all. At least that's what I thought...

Some days or weeks later, I found myself alone on the same spot where I met her. I guess a part of me was hoping to cross with her again. If not, I would leave and mostly likely wouldn't come back there. Not until I would be bored enough to do so. For whatever reason, she was there, waiting for me in what could have been part of a greater universe plan or a really boring coincidence.

I remember typing and re-typing what I was planning to tell her, didn't want to look like one of those desperate needy girls or like I was stalking her. Seconds before I pressed enter I could only feel like one who is in a mine field just before placing his foot on the ground. Heart bit racing, hands shacking, mind invaded by all sorts of thoughts and fears. Click. The point with no return. Could only hope now for her to reply. Once again, I was forced into another not knowing scene. Once again I needed to be patience enough to find what was about to happen and how would she change radically my life, my world, myself...