Atelophobia

"Not Everything is as it Seems"

Last night....last night was more than just an epic make out, last night he knew my thoughts were triggered by someone I love being in love with someone. He knew the signs, he offered me the thing he knew would keep me sane and not focus on the things inside my head. There are still doubts in my head, I'm sure there always will be. 

Like the fact that I still don't think I'm good enough for him. He deserves a good girl, a happy one. Not one who always needs something to feel happy. You don't need anything around him...  

 My subconscious is getting on my nerves, what does she know. I had to have weed last night and I was with him. I roll my eyes at her mentally.

There is also the fact that we could break up, or he could change his mind.....or he could cheat. I will not allow myself to imagine the heart break of any of those things. He could find someone better. He could have found someone else this whole time, but here he is with you, kissing you, hugging you, smiling AT YOU.

"Riley did you hear me?" Charlie asks me.

I shake my head an sip on my straw mindlessly.

She rolls her eyes at me. "I said we need to get a move on,we need to get ready for Jess's set!" 

She chucks a pillow at me from across the room. Still lost in my thoughts it hits me right in the face. "Ah! You bitch!" I try and throw it back at her but she catches it as she stands up.

"Fine, fine. Let's go."

We head out the door and meet one of the assistants at his car parked by the curb. The guys are at a party tonight their manager is throwing them. They're up for an award, I'm proud of them for making such great music. We did get invited but Jess has a show tonight, they were a little bummed we couldn't come, but Charlie seemed like she took a breath of fresh air. 

"Char, lemme ask you something."

"Kay" She shoves a chip in her mouth.

"What exactly is going on in this pretty little head of yours?" I poke her forehead and she swats my hand away.

"What do you mean."

"I mean with Keith and Jesse."

She groans and rests her head back on the seat. " Keith is just a friend, he was easy to flirt with and to talk to. Easy to make fun of and make me laugh. But I don't like him the way he wants me to. Jesse is.....Jesse. I will always have a part of my heart saved for him. I'm still testing the waters with him. Like obviously I want to be with him, but I don't want a title."

I nod, understanding where her privacy needs come from. We grew up privately. This is probably stemming from that. 

"You should probably set Keith straight, he asked me if you liked him when I touched up his dreads last night." I mumble and her head snaps to the side.

"You see?! I think I'm just naturally flirty and that gets my ass in trouble! Everyone thinks I want them." She rubs her face aggressively making me laugh.

"Just be honest with both of them, they're bound to be crazy jealous of each other as long as the lines of where they stand with you are blurred. "

"You're right, I know. I just hate confrontation." 

"I know, but at least Keith will come to you and you wont be caught off guard with it." I pat her thigh and she smiles and nods her head. 

Security waves us through the back gate to the venue and the assistant parks in the designated spot. He opens our door and ushers us out leading us to the back entrance.