Love & Hate

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

That night, there was another party but this one was a little more low key. Sitting in what I have now dubbed 'my spot' at the bar, I'm talking and laughing with Sack. "Holy shit. You really put a deer head under the pool table? Sweetheart, just be glad you're cute." I say laughing even harder. He blushes a little and laughs with me. "What's the craziest thing you've done?" he asked. "Yeah, I gotta hear this." Koz says walking up to me and sitting next to me. "Fuck. Okay. I was probably about 15 at the time. Keep in mind I have 5 older brothers who, at the time, were very protective of their innocent little sister. I snuck out of the house, which was a feat in itself mind you, and headed out to a party that I wasn't supposed to be at. I get there, and a few beers and several shots in, my oldest brother finds me on the table, dancing and stripping. He couldn't get me down off that table fast enough." I say laughing. "I would have paid to see that." Kozik says. "Oh some did. I make $50 bucks that night before he pulled me off the table. But when I got home, my brothers about beat me to death. I ended up with bars on my windows and they were standing watch for the next few months." I said and laughed a little softer. "I wasn't even allowed to date after that until I was 18." I said. "Then they couldn't stop me."

We spent the next couple of hours laughing and me listening to them tell stories about the stupid shit they had done. I was really starting to like it here. "I think I'm going to call it a night." I say before telling them all good night and heading to my dorm. I really had fun with Kozik and Sack. I had to remind myself several times not to get too close. I jump in the shower and then head to bed trying to convince myself that I wasn't interested in any of them like that. I have to keep my head straight because I won't go through that shit again. I can't.

The next day was Sunday and Gemma said she was having a family dinner at her house and I was expected to be there but not to worry about bringing anything. So, since it was still early, I decided to call Tara and see if she wanted to get some lunch. She agreed and was waiting for me at the diner when I pulled up. "Hey Maura." she greets me. "Hey Tara. How are you and Abel doing?" I asked. "We're good. How's things going at the shop?" she asked. "Good I guess." I say smiling as we walk inside and take a booth. Sitting there, waiting for our food, I asked Tara "So, how long have you and Jax been together?" She smiles and says "We were highschool sweethearts but I went away to college. We got back together when I moved back here a few years ago. What about you? Got your eye on anyone?" she asked. "Not really. I don't get too close to people." I tell her. "I like hanging out with Kozik but that's about it, just hanging out." She smiles softly and says "You want more with him?" I look down at my hands on the table and say "It doesn't matter if I did. I can't get close to anyone." I tell her and she looks at me confused. "The real reason I moved out here? I was dating this guy. We grew up together and started seeing each other. We fell in love and were planning our lives together. We were out one night and he was driving. We were fighting about something stupid and he wasn't paying attention and ran a red light and we hit another car head on. He was killed and I barely had a scratch. His parents blamed me for his death and I wasn't even allowed to be at the funeral to say goodbye. I was pregnant and lost the baby in the crash. After that, I decided that it was better for everyone if I just didn't let myself get close to anyone like that again." I explain. "You know that wasn't your fault, right?" she asked. "I know but I just can't let myself fall for anyone again. Not after the last thing I said to him was I hated him." I tell her. "Well, you know, here, these guys will try to get close to you. I have noticed that Koz doesn't let you go far without checking in on you." she says nodding her head to the parking lot. Sitting next to my car was Koz. He didn't get off his bike but just nodded that he saw me.

We had finished eating and walked outside and after saying goodbye to Tara, I walk over to my car where Koz is still on his bike, "Stalker much?" I asked jokingly. "Just had to make sure my girl is good." he says smirking. "Yet you still haven't asked me to be your girl but you keep calling me that." I tell him and decide that this is getting too close. "Koz, can we talk?" I asked. "Yeah. Follow me to the park. We can talk without prying eyes." I nod and follow him. We walk over to one of the picnic tables and sit down on the top of the table. "What's up Rocky?" he asked. I look down at my hands and take a deep breath before I speak. "You keep calling me your girl but there's something you need to know about me." I say and I tell him the same thing I told Tara. "See, I can't get close to people. You need to know this before you get it in your head to start calling me your girl." I say. "So, you think that you don't deserve to get close to anyone? That's bull shit. I told you I would ask you to be my girl and I meant it. That isn't going to scare me off." he says. "Kozik. I like hanging out with you but I don't think I can give you more than that." I say. "How about this. We take shit a day at a time and if something happens it happens and if it doesn't then it doesn't." he suggests. "Kozik. I just want to be friends. That's it." I tell him. "Okay. I get it." he says before walking off. He gets on his bike and leaves, leaving me sitting there feeling more like shit than I did before. Fuck.

I walk into the clubhouse an hour later and see all of the guys hanging around. I look over and Kozik is at the pool table with a his tongue down a croweater's throat. Nice. I head back to my dorm and hear footsteps behind me. I unlock my door and go inside and as I close the door, a hand stops it. Turning, I look to see Happy standing there. "You okay little girl?" he asked. "Yeah Hap. I'm good. Just tired." I tell him. He walks farther into the room and turns me to look at him. "Bull shit. What happened?" he asked. "Nothing. I'm good." I say. He nods and says "Still call bull shit." and walks out of the room, slamming my door. Fuck. Now two of them are pissed at me. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

That evening, I show up at Gemma's and Jax lets me in. As I walk in he stops me and asked "You okay?" I smile at him and say "Yeah. I'm good." He nods and says "Gemma's in the kitchen with the other Old Ladies. I walk into the kitchen and Gemma sees me and tells the other ladies to keep working. She pulls me out to the back deck and says "Talk. I know something happened with you and blondie. What happened?" Sighing I say "He keeps calling me his girl and I sat him down and told him I couldn't give him that. We could be friends but that was it. Gemma, I don't get close to people. I can't." I say. "I get it. You feel like you have to protect yourself. You don't. No one here will hurt you." she says. "It's not them hurting me that I am worried about. My last boyfriend, was killing in a car accident because we were arguing. Last thing I said was I hated him." I say looking down. "Listen to me. That shit ain't your fault. You have every right to find someone and be happy. You just have to let yourself. That bull shit that you don't deserve it? Yeah, I see that shit in your eyes. It ain't true. You deserve to be happy. Let yourself." she says. "Now, let's get in here and get this dinner done." she says before pulling me into a hug. "Thanks Gemma."

Walking back inside, I help the ladies in the kitchen and we sit down at the table to eat. I am sitting beside Happy but across from Kozik. I see him taking glances my way and then at Happy. I don't really say much unless someone asks me something. Once dinner is done, I help clean up and then we all head out. Walking to my car, Happy stops me. "You wanna talk now?" Sighing, I nod. "Follow me." he says. We drive for a few minutes and stop at the same park I spoke to Kozik at. Sitting on one of the tables he says "Talk." I tell him the same thing I told Tara, Kozik and Gemma. He sits there for a minute and says "That's bull shit. You gotta get past that shit. You're a cool bitch. Don't let that shit fuck you up." I look down at my hands and say "I'm trying not to but it's hard." Happy stands up and stands in front of me. "He ain't the only one thinking about you." he says before lifting my chin and kissing me softly and walking away. What the ever loving fuck! Ugh. This is not going to be good.