Hi, my name is Anna and I am a 23 year old woman. I go to university, work a side job, am a guitarist in two bands and have many good friends. But one thing doesn't quit fit in. When I was 10 years old I got diagnosed with high functioning autism.
When I was younger people would always describe me as the odd one in our family. Being the youngest with three older siblings(two brothers and one sister) wasn't always easy. People would constantly compare me with my older siblings and I sometimes could hear them talking behind my back saying things like: 'Why can't she be more like her sister' or 'I wish she wasn't so stubborn.'
Despite of my autism I always managed to adapt to society and hide and mask my autism very well. Nobody even knows that I have it until I tell them. So far I have always been able to deal with my autism by myself and handle myself. I never received any help for my autism and my parents never spook to me about it. They always treated me as if I didn't have it and thought that was the best way to deal with it. In a way it was, because I learned to behave as a neurotypical person and always adapted. But in this I lost connection to myself and my identity and at the age of 22 I unexpectedly completely brook down mentally.
Seven months ago, October 2022, my life changed forever. I had just started my last year of university to get my Master's degree. However after two months of studying I had my first panic attack. This was the beginning of the most hellish period of my life so far, struggling with my identity, autism, depression, anxiety and more. This story will follow my experiences through all these feelings, emotions, highs and lows of my life right now.
Writing this story is also is also part of my therapy, which I started in June 2023. The waiting time for me was six months, which is a very long time and sadly also very average for mental health care in my country. My therapist challenged me to start writing more about my experiences so that is what I will be doing from now on.
TriggerWarnings voor this story: depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts, eating disorder
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How I Became Autistic
Non-FictionAs you may have read in the title this is the story of how I became autistic. For all people wondering: 'Isn't autism something you are born with?' I have to answer: yes it is. I have always had autism and I was born with it. But my story is about a...
