Supernatural | One-Shots

The Christmas Singer: No One.

↬ Date: 07.17.2022.

↬ Prompt: Pinterest; You spend Christmas with the boys.

↬ Trigger [Warning]: The boys are humans and the Supernatural doesn't exist.

↬ Words: 1202.

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"We wish you happy holidays, whoever you may be, so Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Chanukah, or heck all three," (Y/N) sang as (Y/P) slid around the kitchen in a pair of fuzzy red socks with trees on them while (Y/P) made breakfast. Making weird faces, (Y/P) continued to sing the Christmas carols and dance freakishly. "We've modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie. Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team. You'd better not judge, you better not hate, Better not bully or discriminate."

"(Y/N), what the hell are you singing?" Dean laughed as he walked into the kitchen, wearing nothing but a robe and boxers. Sam, Castiel, and he stayed over at (Y/N)'s for Christmas since John and Mary died some time this year and they didn't want to be alone for Christmas. "It sounds horrible."

"Progressive Santa's coming to town. He's making a list of gluten-free foods. He won't take a peek at J-Law's nudes," (Y/N) sang loudly as (Y/P) flipped the pancake, making Dean laugh again. Soon enough more laughter flew through the air as the other two started to wake up. "Progressive Santa's coming to town. He's 50 different races and all for tax reform, he'll protect all your children, well, as long as they've been born."

Sam's booming laugh cut the air in half and made (Y/N) laugh through (Y/P), actually great, singing.

"Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer (reindeer). Had an advantageous nose (he outlived his friends). He passed his bright red traits on (traits on). Darwin said that's how it goes (evolution's not a theory)!" (Y/N) kept singing as (Y/P) dropped three chocolate pancakes on Dean's, Castiel's, and (Y/P) own plate, and three plain ones on Sam's. Laying out the syrups and fruits, (Y/N) proceeded with (Y/P) singing. "Mary, did you know that your baby boy supports the NRA? Mary, did you know that your baby boy is white? Did you knowwww?" (Y/N) paused for dramatic effect. The boys grew quiet, but soon were nearly doubled over in laughter. "Deck the halls with kujichagulia. Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza. Give Zawadi, hang benderas. Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza. Throw your hands up in the air-uh."

"Okay, what are you singing?" Sam wheezed out.

"It's like progressive versions of the normal Christmas Carols," Castiel commented as he swayed in his chair.

(Y/N) only grew serious as (Y/P) sang on; "You're a green one, Mr Grinch. You're lacking in finesse that greenish epidermis determines your success, Mr Grinch. Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress." (Y/N) took a moment to take a bite of (Y/P) food and a sip of orange juice, "You're an outlier, Mr Grinch. You give the Whos a fright. They say your heart is 3/5ths normal; you're either wrong or white, Mr Grinch. Don't walk the streets of Whoville you might fight a cop the Whos will not indict."

"Wait, I think I actually heard these before. They are relatively new." Sam took a deep breath and calmed himself down, as did the others, and made his plate to his liking before eating, "They are progressive Christmas carols. They were made by, uh, John Cozart?"

(Y/N) shook (Y/P) head after (Y/P) took another bite of (Y/P) pancake.

"Jon Cozart," (Y/N) corrected him and he nodded, understanding what he missed up, "I'm dreaming of a racially ambiguous holiday. Away in a manger with Jesus and crew. His schmeckle got cut because hey! Christ was a Jew."

(Y/N) hummed softly to (Y/P)self now, allowing the boys to eat so they can get to the fun part: tearing out gifts like five-year-olds.

"O holy night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night Jesus did something holy. Joseph watched golf, his leather chair reclining."

"That's not at all what happened." Sam scoffed slightly as they rinsed their plates and forks off. (Y/N) shrugged as (Y/P) walked into the living room with the three boys following behind (Y/P). (Y/P) didn't have a big tree– well, it wasn't even a tree really, maybe a small bush at most. (Y/N) believed (Y/P) wasn't going to have Christmas this year. (Y/N) curled up into an armchair after (Y/P) handed the boys their gifts, two apiece.

"It's not much but it was last minute, so I hope you guys like them," (Y/N) mumbled as (Y/P) held the three gift boxes they got (Y/P). Sam smiled gratefully as he opened the small box on top, "The small one, the one Sammy just opened, you all got one similar."

Sam held up a handmade necklace that had a silver moon crest attached to a piece of rope.

"Thank you, (Y/N). I love it." Sam meant it as he wrapped it around his neck and tied it. They took turns in opening their gifts, Sam first, then Dean, then Castiel, and finally (Y/N). The boys got the same things basically: the necklace and a pair of fuzzy socks. It was last noticed that they were staying with (Y/P) and usually (Y/P) just bakes them something as a gift for when they meet up again. (Y/N) started singing as (Y/P) finished opening (Y/P) gifts.

"As Mary birthed a child, I think a donkey was involved. Three wise men came, with GPS they found him, Christ lied in a barn, as his omniscient baby-daddy tucked him in. Jesus crawled on his knees." (Y/N) hummed softly. (Y/P) got new socks from Dean-- a pair of black fuzzy ones with stars, a new friendship bracelet from Castiel, and a new camera with some film from Sam-- which (Y/P) instantly broke in by taking pictures of Dean, Castiel, and Sam and then all of them together. (Y/N) thanked each man and after a moment, got up and started to pick up. Sam helped but paused as he heard (Y/N) singing the last part of the song perfectly. "His mom shared it on SnapChat. O bright device! O night, when Christ celebrated Christmas."

"God, (Y/P)'s got vocals," Dean stated as he watched (Y/N) walk into the kitchen to throw the trash away, "I don't see why (Y/P) doesn't try singing, (Y/P) could make it big."

The other two silently agreed. (Y/N) stopped abruptly as (Y/P) walked out of the kitchen.

"What?" (Y/N) looked between the three males in (Y/P) living room. One of (Y/P) eyebrows jumped up when none of them moved. "Hello?"

Sam was the first to move and spoke.

"Uh, nothing, just wondering if we could go out for dinner." Sam shrugged and (Y/N) squinted (Y/P) eyes at him. After a few intense seconds, (Y/N) shrugged.

"I suppose so," (Y/N) replied amusingly. Dean let out a breath he didn't know that he was holding in and smiled.

"Okay." Dean clapped his hands, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm in the mood to play a board game!"

(Y/N) nodded and, somehow, Castiel was holding up the game 'Sorry' with the biggest smile. (Y/N) chuckled and shook (Y/P) head.

"Set it up!" That's how they spend their Christmas: playing board games, watching movies, eating bad food at a diner nearby, then crashing down from a sugar high when watching more movies. It wasn't a normal Christmas, but it was perfect to them.