Night time thoughts

Mind drifting

   After the first month of star crossed love and dream glazed eyes we had our first fight. I had talked to an ex, a guy who had cheated on me and whom he hated. He yelled for an hour, never letting me get in a word, letting me cry. After wards, after the red ran down my arm, he apologized. Ever week there was a fight, ever week the marks grew until he threatened to start cutting himself too, so I stopped in fear of hurting him. I stopped speaking to random people in crowds because I wanted to make friends. I stopped hanging out with male friends, I stoped talking to them, I pushed them away. He swore he'd stop giving a list of rules when I broke up with him the first time. So I have him a second chance. We hit one year...my friends didn't hear anything bad about him. They thought it was okay but I stayed up at night, stared at the ceiling wondering if I did something wrong that day. I met a boy one day at a track meet, he flirted while I talked about my boyfriend to keep him uninterested. We saw each other again a few weeks later, we walked all over, smiled, laughed, got close. My boyfriend hated him. I wasn't willing to give him up. Believe me I never cheated, but my heart yearned for the boy who made me feel safe and comfortable. The boy who made me feel the way he did when we first started dating. Things change, people drift, anger grows, love fades. Let it happen, life will be more beautiful if you do