Find Me

Epiloge

Running. That's all I've ever known. I was running when I has a family and I'm running now. People thought I was crazy, they thought I was weird. No one understood me like he did. No one knew... the true me. I was alone since the incident. I was alone since he left me. It's my fault that he left. It's my fault that he's not here with me now. I wish I could have done things differently. I wish I could turn back time. If I could I wouldn't have done what I did. But I can't. I can't turn back time and now... now he hates me. I haven't talked to him since the incident and I don't know what to do. I had a family, that's gone, I had a best friend, he's gone.... they all hate me.... and so do I.
I say there in my room trying to think of nothing, to do nothing, but my brain wasn't letting me. My mind wanted me to suffer. I tried to resist think of it, to t ink if something else, anything else, but once again, I gave in. I didn't want to, but I did.... I started to think of that day, the incident, the reasons on how I should have been the one on their place with them in mine. Maybe if I stayed, maybe, just maybe, could they still be here, talking to me, but no, that never happened, they hate me, they won't talk to me because it's my fault that this happened to them, it's my fault that I'm alone. It's my fault that I'm a nobody. I started to think some more. Asking myself more questions like I always did.
Why couldn't it have been me. Why did they convince me to leave. Would things have been different if I stayed. Why was it my house. Why did it happen to my parents, my sister. To my best friend. If I didnt leave, would the same have happened to me. Does he hate me, is that why he did what he did, to watch me slowly break into a million pieces. Never to be fixed. Why was he at MY house of ever one else's. Is it selfish o fme to want it to have happened to someone else. Why was my best friend there when it happened. He said he was at his house in his room eating and watching TV cause he was sick. Was he lying to me. Did the person go to him and then bring him to my house and do the same thing to me family that he did to my best friend.
The questions in my head kept coming, faster and faster..... but they were always the same. Each day this happened. The same routine everyday.
Get out of bed. Take a shower. Get ready for school. Skip breakfast. Walk to school. Get insulted. Go to my locker. Get hit and punch by the schools queen bee and her possy. Clean up. Go to class. Get yelled at by my teacher for being late say sorry. Go to my desk and hide. The bell rings for lunch. Everyone goes to the lunchroom except me. I skip lunch. I go to the field instead. Lunch ends. Go to class. Go to my desk. Class ends. Put my school books away in the locker. Get insulted once again. Walk home. Do homework. Skip dinner. Go to my room. Think. Cry. Think of doing everyone a favor and leave my brain tells me NO. I don't do it. Think some more. Cry some more. Lay in my bed the rest of the night. Don't sleep. Repeat.
I tried to do something different, to think of something different but each time I thought of something that was happy, my mind kept wandering back to the memory of the incident. I've tortured my self every night because I keep think of it. There's nothing I can do to stop myself, so I think FO the incident, again, and again,a different scenario each night on what would happen if I stayed. They all ended with the same thing.
Even with all the different scenarios only one was real. Only one was true. Even though my mind didn't make me think of the real thing. I did. I made myself think of it. I tortured my own self to think of it.

It started as any regular day.....

I was walking down the street,minding my own business, walking my dog, just listening to music and drinking my Starbucks coffee, walking towards the dog park when I heard it, in the opposite direction, the direction towards my house..... I turn around and look to see if anyone else heard it, but nobody seemed to notice anything, too busy with their own lives.... I relax and try to head back to the direction of the dog park, but I can't...... Something just doesn't feel right, but I ignore it trying to keep waking towards the park when I hear it again.... The bloody murder, was piercing scream
*HELP!!! *
I turn back around to the direction of the house and start running faster and faster, my dog right behind me. Imt here in a matter of minutes, in front of my house where I heard the scream.
I stand in front, not able to move, to scared to move...
There it is, on the front of my house, on the door in big, bold, bloody letters

*Watch your back...
Your next*