What is the reason i was brough to life?
i end up asking myself after seeing you leaving.....
We both are diferent people.You are a person that is blessed and i am someone that is cursed.And even so....i so love you that hurts me so much. We both cried in a evening of winter.... You are the light of my eyes.So sad that
there is not anyone alike u because anywaY u will never be mine.
Meeting you for the first time was something that i didn't payed too much attention,because in my eyes you were someone artificial that i do not want into my life.
My soul would scream everytime that the other young girls would say:" he is so good looking and seenms someone so interesting.if i could be more closer to him...",that it is not what i want though.
"he is just a pretty doll ,like those porcelain dolls that when you see their beauty ,you would stay astonished and you would be afraid that when you would touch it ,it would break and it's beauty will be just history.
a doll that like any other dolls it is just material and doesn't have a soul.or it has one,but it is one so ugly.
My soul was upset and even i didn't know the reason.the only thing i could do was to ignore you.i didn't wanted to see that actually you were so ..human.
all my life i tried to discover just the bad qualities from people when i used ot met them.The same thing i did with you.But once the sad day of september came..my mind got blanked.
why?you wonder?
then i was surrounded by so many people but even like this i felt so alone.i felt disgusted that everyone were fascinated by you,always making compliments to you.You did blushed and acting so shy everytime they would flater you and try to put their hands on you.
You were their prey...how disgusting can be humans.i used to think so often.even in those moments.
"he is not human.he is a angel".a naive young,young girl full of life used to say ot me once.i started to laugh saying"angels don't exist.and if they do,they are not on earth."
i love angels,but you are not one of them for sure.i used to say upset like a stubborn child.
all tohse people..talking and talking...was so tiredsome.so tiredsome to see all those fake,polite expression on their faces.why can't we be us?why i can't read the real essence of you?why i always see just a mask you all wear?"
but then,suddenly,my eyes stoped at your smile.my heart stoped for a second ot make all those bad comments because i was shocked to see the most sincere and sweet smile i even saw at a human.
you..are the first person that stoled for the first time from me A REAL SMILE.a real deep smile mixed with sadness and happiness.
After that on the same cold,gloomy day of september,i've met your eyes.
you were smililng but when i've met your eyes,i stoped smiling.
it was strange,so strange the fact that your eyes were the opposite ...so full of a deep sadness.the sadest eyes i ever saw.
Then our looks met and without using words we comunicated like this for few moments.in my mind i couldn't hear anythnig else just the question "why your eyes are so full of sadness?"
those were the most sad eyes i ever saw and without realizing tears came from my eyes without a reason.
and suddenly your image became so blurry,so beautiful blurry...
the image i had about you,without no reason was crushing...the superficial doll was gone and for the first time i could see the REAL YOU.
An angel indeed that was so human,so kind and all those beautiful qualities were in you.i saw someone that was afraid and felt alone,just like me.You looked so beautiful into my teary eyes for a moment,like someone that wasn't real.like a dream....a dream that i didn't wanted to
leave.
the tears falled on my cold cheeks and that beautiful image was gone seeing a worried you with an innocent air asking me if i'm alright.
i couldn't talk,i just nooded.
when did i started to really like you,when did you became someone so important for me?
seeing you it started to became the only reason i was opening my eyes everyday."i live for you,i breath for you." my soul was crying so sadly.
Everything turned into love. a very painful love that was killing me inside.
i tried to be cold with you and i end up saying once" you know what i hate thje most at you? the fact that you are way too human,so simple,but so special somehow."
i could see your sad smile wihtout like you to say anything.so i left.
somehow we were so alike.....but even so...even if it turned out that you are my soulmate,the one that i was waiting for,it is not meant to be with you.
You are too special to be the treasure that i would keep.I don't deserve to have something so special like you.
loving you did became really painful and i smiled with sadness when i found out that in that night on winter we both cried.you see?even our souls are alike and somehow they try to makes us to catch our hands and never letting go.
You asked me why i have so much hate inside me.
I answered that it is because of my destiny.
"we are so different.because you are a blessed person and i am a cursed person.so different but somehow so alike."
" we are like,you answered.because i used to be a cursed one as well.and so weird,but i don't feel blessed at all."
there is no one like you in this world ,not even half of you.so sad that humans can't be like you.are you indeed a angel that transformed himself into a human being? i end up asking myself.
Even that time, when the wind stopped
Was not enough for me
A single smile, the last bow
I love you...you..the one you will never be mine and i so hate that i can;t turn this love into hate.
but for now it will be just an unfinished story enven though my pain will be always there chasing you like a shadow.
Because you are my curse and my bless...
You are always gonna be my love
Now and forever YOU are still the one...
Dedicated and inspired by and for Kim Jaejoong ssi.
PS.So sad cause you are my soulmate somehow or the image of the soulmate that i'll never have.Why cannot be someone out these with such a beautiful soul like yours? *deep sad sighed*
