Midnight Anthology

2nd Entry

May 10, 2019
1:05 AM

Dear Ein

I feel like a mess. Family issues and what not have made life toxic. I have only not chatted with you for a week but it felt like such a long time. The conversation we had the other day was just a small random talk that didn't really ladt much. Today was the same. I know you have a lot of activities and you are tired but I just can't help myself feeling a bit sad by the sparsity of our chats. It's probably just my feelings. It's been months and I have yet to get into terms with the fact that you don't view me romantically and won't ever view me anything else other than just a close friend or a best friend. I'm naturally stubborn and due to my strong belief in romance, the hopeless romantic type, I have always believed that the friendzone can be escaped but with each day that passes, I have slowly realized that maybe this really is hopeless. I'm stubborn because I'm hopeful and that hopefulness has lead me to taking every single small changes from your attitude a small bit post my comfession and now and it has given me plenty of false hope that I should have not believed in. This midjight anthology was supposed to be a collection of my moments with you but looking at it, I have started to view it stupid. Looking back, I think my naive view of romance and fate has led me to believe that maybe you'd see this collection and maybe it'd get you romantically interested in me all of a sudden which is such a gullible and ignorant way of thinking for a 20 year old. I guess this is what I have become because of all those romantic media fiction that I have consumed and my hopeless romanticism due to me failing with every single romantic interest I have had in my 20 years of existence.

I'm sorry if I try so hard and that I can be a handful, trying to be someone to you that you have no capacity to consider me as. From here on out I won't pester you with my feelings, but I probably won't be able to get rid of these feelings. I will still love you and be your friend and treat you like the queen of my life. I'm stupid with love and this is a proof of it. I hope that you succeed with whatever you choose in life and I will try to support you all the way even just as a friend.

I love you, as bittersweet these words are to me but even then I can't stop loving you. Thank you for existing and being a part of my life.

From me to you, Dear Ein.

-D.