Hell Eye

Prologue

...Boredom.

That was what he was feeling. Usually he was too busy to even experience boredom. A god like him always has to watch over the world, assign guardian angels to mortals, choose missions for the second-chances, and that's not even considering listening to individual prayers.

However, today was a holiday. Specifically, the Serene Festival. A day where you essentially give the Gods a break and only pray for help if it's important. And apparently there was nothing important! Everyone was probably just down there partying.

The King God considered looking across earth to find some random gathering and watch from where he sat in Heaven's Palace, but that was what he did almost every year.

Instead, he decided to watch something on that fancy new TV he had gotten from one of his head angels as a gift. He had actually received it months ago, but never had a chance to use it.

"Agh! There's nothing cool on!" whined the royal god. Normally he had to restrain himself from using modern slang. If he said that stuff while someone was listening, he'd seem less awesome and mysterious!!

Also it was kinda because one time he snuck in an updog joke during a speech, and as a result one of the more ancient, slow talking angels gave him an incredibly long ramble about how they were concerned he was being 'unprofessional'. He didn't want to listen to another babble like that ever again.

Of course, he could make a rule against 'whining about God being unprofessional', but he isn't a tyrant! Freedom of speech is a valuable right in his eyes.

Anyways, back to the matter at hand. There was nothing good on! Some channels were even just showing messages about how you should go outside and celebrate the holiday.

And also, this TV didn't even have that many channels, most required a subscription. It's not like God himself could just sign up for premium cable without raising some questions from his mortals!

But what if he just used his powers to get cable?

"Of course!" he said, touching a hand to his forehead. It would be rather easy to just use supernatural abilities to bypass the subscription. He'd have to have a gift sent to the companies though, it wouldn't be ethical to avoid paying this way.

He snapped his fingers, causing a flash of green glow to appear on both him and the TV. But then the glow began to crackle and brighten. Strange...

Now to find a channel! He levitated the remote into his hand, then started tapping the 'next' button.

"Wait a minute, what even are some of these shows?!" God said, his mask-like white face scrunching in confusion. "Are these from another dimension?? Maybe I overdid it.." he said thoughtfully, but then he shook the feeling off. "Nah, this is actually pretty cool!"

A cooking show with a British sounding monkey man who yells at bad monkey man chefs? Nah. A movie with weird yellow CGI creatures? No, they don't even seem to be speaking any language he knows! Then he gets to something interesting. Channel 666 on the new expanded channel list.

"-a more humane way to hinder overpopulation in Hell? Perhaps we can create an... alternate way to change souls through... redemption?" The King God perked up at this. Was there another version of Hell out there? It seemed kinda obvious now that he thought about it, but he had never considered it.

But what was this about redeeming demonic souls? If they were worthy of redemption, they wouldn't have been sorted there in the first place! Unless this world was less strict about proper sorting? He decided to continue watching.

"Well I think yes!" the mime-like girl cheerfully stated, wrapping an arm around a large horned red demon, who looked as if he was very irritated. "So that's what this project aims to achieve! Ladies and gentlemen..." she began as she walked towards a desk occupied by demon woman with red eyes and a man with a gas mask. "I'm opening the first of its kind. A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!" But then the joy slipped off her face, and everything was silent, except for a quiet cough in the background.

"Y'know? ...'cuz hotels are for people passing through uh... temporarily..." she stammered.

"Huh, looks like no one's interested... Poor girl." said the deity.

The girl winced, then straightened herself a bit. "Look, every one of you has something good inside. I know you do," she said with a hand on her chest. But then a sly look appeared on her face. "Maybe I'm not getting through to you." God raised an eyebrow at this.

She snapped her fingers, and the spotlight moved to a piano that she sat on top of.

"♪ I have a dream

I'm here to tell

About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel...

Yes it's one of a kind, right here in Hell

Catering to a specific clientele

Inside of every demon is a rainbow,

Inside every sinner is a shiny smile!

Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac,

Is a jolly, happy, cupcake-loving child

We can turn around!

They'll be heaven-bound!

With just a little time down at the Happy Hotel!

So, all you junkies, freaks and weirdos

Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks and zeroes,

And the fallen super heroes, help is here

All of you cretins, sluts and losers,

Sexual deviants and boozers, and prescription drug abusers

Need not fear

While in our care

We'll cure your sin, we'll make you well

You'll feel so swell, right here in Hell

At the Happy Hotel~

There'll be no more fire,

And no more screams.

Just puppy dog kisses,

and cotton candy dreams

And puffy-wuffy clouds

You're gonna be like, wow!

Once you check in with meeeeeeeeeeee~

So, all your cartoon porn addictions,

vegan rants, psychic predictions

Ancient Roman crucifixions,

end right here

All you monsters, thieves and crazies, cannibals and crying babies

Frothing mouth is full of rabies, filled with cheer

You'll be complete! It'll be so neat!

Our service can't be beat! You'll be on easy street! (Yes!)

Life will be sweet,

At the Happy HoteeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEELL~ ♪"

He was blown away. This girl really was determined to do the impossible, wasn't she? Or maybe it wasn't impossible...

Time to make some contact with a certain other divinity.