The realms of your ass

NErf Battlegrounds

Shrek rose from the grave, dirt falling off his broad, sexy shoulders. I gasped, my adult diaper soaking with cow (my) piss. I felt like I was in a music video, letting my knotted hair fly in the wind behind me while gazing at my true love. I had forgotten that my true love (Shrek) had a knife in his hands. When I realized that he was threatening to kill me when he put the knife to my throat, I simply got a little excited, my adult diaper getting wet with something that was certainly not cow piss. He leaned into my ear and whispered "I wanna here you beg" in his seductive and raspy Scottish accent. I heard a female voice in the distance screaming "EXCUSE ME BITCH". Me and that sexy, big, green ogre quickly turned around to face the encounter. It was Fiona. Dumb bitch. That's when she screamed as loud as you could possibly imagine hearing. 

I jolted up in my bed in a cold sweat to my dad pouring chicken broth all over me. I screamed and he screamed back, demanding his daily dose of liquor. I walked to the kitchen with only a latex bodysuit sweating chicken broth. Thank god I always wear latex bodysuits to bed, the chicken broth didn't damage it one bit. I got a bottle of whiskey from the cabinet and got a rotting banana peel from the gigantic dumpster in our backyard. When I had asked for a nerf gun shooting range as a 7 year old, my alcoholic and abusive father instead got a gigantic dumpster, threw me in it, and fed me mango peel. Now I can't eat mango peel. Anyway, rotting banana peels are my dad's favorite breakfast, as long as it's served with alcohol, since he's an alcoholic of course. And since he's abusive, he always likes to throw the bottle at me when he's done with it. Fun!

Once I handed him his alcohol and rotten banana peels, I decided to get ready for school. I sulked at the bruises on my body for about half an hour before getting my backpack and LEAVING. Wow, I'm such a rebel, trust me, I'm n0t liek the other girls. Then I walk to school. 

I walked into school and to my first period. Walking down the hallway, I saw COle sproose. I greeted him a rather melancholic hello, remembering that I had an abusive and alcoholic father. Unfortunately, he didn't ignore me. He stopped to face me. 

"hey guess what I did yesterday" he said to me with his photographer self. 

"what" 

"I masterbaited to a picture of you snorting cheezit powder at church"

I gleamed with joy. I felt my face blush, so happy with the fact that he likes me. 

"I also fucked your mum" he continued. 

I had no time to respond, as the bell rung and everyone was running every direction. I realized the queerness of the running, screaming and shoving. I turned around and saw a Emma chambergas on the floor with something that looked like a nerf bullet in her head. I violently cackled at the sight, my head yanking back and forth, my head spinning and my ears ringing. I slapped my knees and realized that me and Emma chambergas were the only ones left in the hallway. 

When my eyes met with his, I darted to a door just like the nerf bullet darting towards me. It had missed. I banged my hand on the classroom door, desperate to escape my fate of lying dead on the floor, just like emma chamerlang, with a nerf bullet in my head. 

That's when I heard Elon's soft, unique and complicated accent far behind me. Oh, I could recognize that sexy accent anywhere. I quickly turned around to see his stunning self talking to a second grader holding a nerf gun. 

He turned to me and said "what the fuck are ya looking at kid" 

"why the frick is there a second grader here" I asked

"he was being annoying and decided to have a sick nerf battle"

"why is emma chandelier ded"

"she's fine she's just being an over dramatic piece of ham"

"damnit"

I shook my head out of disappointment. They ran out the door after they saw Miley Cyrus strutting towards them. 

to be confuckingtinued