No motivation
Even if I get help now, it's too late.
It won't matter.
I'm not going to graduate.
I'm not going to prom
I'm so tired
I don't want to try
I haven't tried in so long
I'm sorry I'm a disappointment
I'm sorry I'm not like them
I'm sorry I'm not going into the military or accounting
I'm sorry I'm not cis or straight
I'm sorry
But I'm not
I want to say I'm sorry
But I don't mean it
I just want to get out.
I don't want to have the ceremony
I don't like big gatherings
I don't like cheering or clapping
Because it makes me cry.
I don't want to shake their hands
I don't want to be a teacher
I want to be who I am
I want to be a writer
A freelance poet
Not someone with degrees
Not someone stuck with a schedule
Not someone like everyone else.
I'm happy when I'm myself,
I'm happy with them
And I hate how you undermine them at every chance you get.
They are loyal
They are kind
They are there for me
They have always been there for me
There when I tried to kill myself
There to watch me so I wouldn't
To help me pick myself back up
After he died
After they died.
After they left me.
They stayed every step of the way
Right by my side
And I can count on them to stay.
I can count on them to stay.
Whether you like it or not,
These people are my friends.
These people are my family.
They're better than family
Better because they actually pay me back
Better because they stay by my side
Better because instead of feeling the need to love one-another because of blood,
We love each other because of who we are
Our personalities and our actions dictate
If we stay friends.
I have to love you
Because without you,
I wouldn't be here
I wouldn't have met them.
Without you,
I wouldn't have ever existed.
But without you,
I wouldn't feel so suppressed
I wouldn't feel so trapped within myself.
My mother wouldn't hate you.
They wouldn't be uncomfortable
Feeling like they're watched
Every second they're in the house.
Without you,
I wouldn't be in so much constant pain
I wouldn't be depressed, hurt, suicidal
Because without you, I wouldn't exist.
So I don't love you
Because I can't bring myself to love you.
Not after everything.
So with that, a final eff you.
Eff you and your outrageous standards for me.
Eff you and your oppressive self.
YOU ARE READING
The Emotional Collection Of A Small Town Nobody's Poetry
PoesíaNobody lived their life in a small town. They lived by scraping by, through undiagnosed depression and anxiety. Throughout middle and high school, they turned to poetry to vent. These are the poems they kept for themself. Some, no one else has read...
