Never have I ever

Chapter Six

I had to stay in the hospital for a few more weeks and from the day I was allowed to walk around, I visited Luke. It was horrible seeing him like that. He had a big bandage around his throat and multiple needles in his arm. The beeping which calmed me down when I was unconscious, now made me go crazy. I just wanted to lay down beside him, cuddle and tell him how much I love him, because he was there for me when nobody else was.

I wanted to be with him, but the problem was, he was straight. He was the womanizer of the school. Nobody in our school had as many girlfriends as he had, except for Mack maybe. I guess girls like quarterbacks, because the night Cindy died was the first time where our group meet, and Luke didn't bring a girl. But the life I thought about it, the more I realised that it was more important that Luke was around me, than it was that he was my boyfriend.

I was so busy with my thoughts that I didn't realise that a pair of beautiful blue eyes looked at me. I only realised he was awake when multiple doctors and nurses stormed into the room, first started at me, the heart-rate-monitor and then at Luke. A nurse took my arm and wanted to bring me outside, but Luke's heart rate went up the second he couldn't see me anymore.

The same doctor who took care of me told the nurse to bring me back to Luke's bed. As soon as I stood beside him, he calmed down again. He moved his left arm as if he tried to write something. A nurse gave him a pen and held a little notebook under it. It took a while, but when he put his hand away, it said: "Can I be alone with Dan?"

of the nurses looked at the two doctors, who looked at each other with a questioning look on their faces, but one of them nodded in the end. They all left and one of the doctors turned around and smiled at its before she closed the door.

I held the paper under the porn and after he finished our just said "Hey!" with a smiley face. I smiled back and said "Hi" in a very breathy voice. At the bottom of the page he wrote "I heard you earlier". Now he got me confused. What did I say earlier? Then it came to me: "Did I say my thoughts out loud?" I turned my page and stared at it as Like wrote: "Yes! You love me?" I stopped breathing for a minute. He started writing again, but I couldn't look down. I stared out of the window, trying not to cry, because I was scared of rejection.

I got ripped out of my trance when something suddenly hit me on my leg. I looked down at Luke, who was the one who pinched me and was now pointing at the notebook. I took one last deep breath and then finally started reading. "I love you too. I have for a few months now. But I was scared you didn't like me." I was just overwhelmed with emotion, so I whispered: "I'm sorry" and ran out of the room.

I wanted to be with him so bad, but it was too dangerous. As long as Nick wasn't behind bars, I would make Luke a target if I was even near him. In two days, I was allowed to leave the hospital, until then he wouldn't get out of his room, so there wasn't any risk of running into him. These two days seemed longer than the whole time I was in the hospital up to that point. How could two people mess me up so much. One was a lying murderer, the other one a perfect, loving guy and the first one stops me from being with the second one.

I spent my days pitying myself, even after leaving the hospital. My mother tried to rip me out of it, but she had lost all my respect, so I didn't listen to her anyway. After a couple of weeks sitting in my room, I finally got up and left the house. I strayed around town without a plan until I decided to go to the cemetery to visit Cindy. But I didn't get to her grave, because on the way there, I wanted to stop by at my dad's grave. Strangely someone was already sitting there. It couldn't be my mother, because the person at the grave had short hair.

I slowly went up to them but stopped about three meters behind them. I listened and had a really hard time, trying not to cry, as I heard the sweetest speech. Luke was kneeling in front of my dads grave and spoke to him. He talked about how unfair it was that I had to go through all of that pain of losing a parent, by the hand of another parent. And how much he wishes that I'd let him be there for me in times like that or like now, when I'm struggling in life, because he loves me and would do anything for me.

That was when I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. Luke turned around and started smiling. He stood up and just hugged me. I wanted to pull him closer, but I didn't, I couldn't. Because if I did, I wouldn't let him go anymore, so I pushed him away. I swallowed: "I'm sorry, but I can't." "I just want to know why? What did I do wrong?", he begged for an explanation. I watched the tears running down his cheeks slowly and then getting more and faster until he broke down. "It's not your fault. Nick's still on the run and I can't put you into danger. As soon as he's locked away we can be together, but until then I love you too much to risk that you get killed", I explained my actions. He just started shaking his head and whispered: "I don't care if I die as long as I'm with you!" He mumbled something else, which I didn't understand. I just shook my head and went away looking at the floor